


A Dream of a Forgotten Memory

by thelittlespook



Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: F/M, Mattex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-05
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-04-24 21:01:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4935247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelittlespook/pseuds/thelittlespook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After an accident leaves him with no recollection of the past two years of his life, Matt must rebuild his life and relationships with those he holds dear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The beginning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Space_and_Thyme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Space_and_Thyme/gifts).



Discreetly, she kept her gaze on him; studying the side of his face as he chattered happily into the microphone. When he burst into excited, animated, laughter, a soft smile graced her lips but her eyes briefly cast down to the podium in front of them before she forced her gaze straight ahead, cementing a lacklustre smile on her face.

 

_"Shall we get on with it, Sweetie?"_

 

 --

****

_Six months ago_  
  
The time was 11:37 exactly when her life was turned upside down; woken by the shrill chirping of her mobile on the night stand. Eyes still bleary, she perched her glasses upon her nose and checked the screen.

 

_‘19 missed calls and a text from Laura?  What on earth?’_

Panicking, she quickly straightened up in her bed and opened the message.  
  
_‘Alex, answer your phone. Please, it’s an emergency. We’re at The Royal London. Matt’s been involved in an accident.’_

A million thoughts ran through her mind as she dialled Laura’s number. It reached her voicemail several times so she gave up calling; instead opting to go to the hospital. She practically launched herself from the bed; not bothering to change out of her camisole and floral pyjama bottoms, then ran downstairs and threw a coat and shoes on before grabbing her bag as she ran out the door.

The drive to the hospital from the other side of London was a long one at the best of times but now; now it stretched on for an eternity. Each and every thought percolated in her mind as the time ticked on.

_‘Had he fallen while filming? Was anything broken?’_

Nearly three quarters of an hour later, she was rushing in through the doors of the emergency room, bolting toward the reception desk and practically screaming his name in the attendant’s face.

The attending nurse stared blankly at her face. “Sorry, family only,” she said calmly.

 Alex rolled her eyes impatiently. “I **am** family,” she insisted. “Please just let me see him.”

The nurse eyed her suspiciously but didn’t argue and called for someone to collect her.

She followed the young male nurse down the corridor and to the lift. The nurse chatted animatedly about the influence ER had on him and how it was what made him want to work in the medical field. Alex smiled and nodded politely through her anxiety but was screaming internally for him to be quiet. She knew he was just trying to ease the tension but it wasn’t exactly an appropriate time.

 

When they arrived at the trauma ward, she was left in the waiting room. “Sorry, this is as far as I can take you,” he apologized. “If you wait here, someone should come out and give you an update when they have one.”

 Alex smiled half-heartedly in thanks and took a seat.

The nurse lingered momentarily, probably hoping for an autograph, but soon got the hint and mumbled his well wishes before returning to the elevator at the end of the corridor.  
  
Another 40 minutes passed before any news reached the waiting room. She was so zoned out on a rerun of 60 Minute Makeover that she didn’t see Laura enter the room.

  
“Alex,” Laura sighed as she rushed toward her.

 Alex noticed the tracks etched by tears on her cheeks as the woman drew her in and made certain to give her the warmest hug she could muster before asking for an update.

 Laura clasped Alex’s hands in her own as she sat and pulled her back into her seat, then took a deep breath in and began to explain the events of that evening.

“Matt called earlier. He was on Junction Mews when it happened. The accident happened only moments after I hung up. A witness said he was stepping off the gutter when a bike messenger came ‘round the corner and they collided. The cyclist is still in intensive care so Matt's lucky in a way -" she trailed off.

Alex instinctively clasped her hand over her mouth to fight against the quiver of her lip as she spoke; she was finally free to ask the questions which plagued her.

 "Will he be alright? Can I see him?" 

 Laura gave a sad smile. "Alex, you need to understand. His brain went through a lot of trauma. He hit his head incredibly hard."  

 Alex nodded then, after a moment of silence, she choked out her question again. "Can I see him or not?"

 Laura grasped her hand and gave it a firm squeeze. "Alex, I'm so sorry-" she started. "When Matt woke up, he wasn't himself anymore. I don't know how to break this to you," she stammered. 

 Alex placed a hand on Laura’s shoulder and gave it a firm squeeze of reassurance. "Just tell me he's okay," she pleaded. 

 Laura nodded, hiccoughing as she started to speak again. "Physically, the doctors say he’s going to be fine. He’s incredibly lucky in that respect,” she gave another sad smile and continued. ”But he seems to have no recollection of the past two years. He can't remember anything he's done since just after his first series of Who. The doctors don’t want to shock him too much too soon because it could hinder his recovery.”

She fell back against her seat; dozens of thoughts racing through her mind but the words unable to form in her mouth. With no recollection of the past two years, Matt would be completely clueless about their relationship, then her face fell.

“I just- I don’t understand. He was filming all day today- He said so this morning. What was he doing out there in the first place,” Alex choked out.

With a heavy hearted sigh, she answered. "I'm not supposed to say- he made me promise.”

Alex looked into Laura’s eyes pleadingly and she looked away, anguished. “Please don’t tell him I told you when he does remember,” she said with a small, sad giggle before reaching into her pocket.  “He was out buying this,” she explained, offering Alex a small velvet box.

 “I know this will be of little comfort to you, Alex, but I know how much he loves you and he will remember that. It may take time; but he will remember."  

 

Realising she would be fighting a losing battle and feeling rather useless as far as girlfriends go at that point in time, Alex did the only thing she could do; left the hospital.

 She remained steeled to her emotions for the duration of the drive home, erecting a vast and sturdy wall to hold her together, only breaking down once she’d closed the front door behind her.

 Not bothering to place her bag or coat on their respective hooks, she tossed them to the floor before ascending the stairs to the bedroom on autopilot. The fresh and rampant tears brought with it a throbbing headache which could not be quelled by any amount of chamomile tea, so she simply crawled into bed and scooped Matt’s pillow up to her chest. His pillow still smelled heavily of his cologne; bergamot, cardamom and a certain scent which was always present; even when Matt hadn't applied it.

She drank the perfume in hungrily, finding that it eased the tension in her head and evened out her frantic breathing. It wasn’t the same as having him there beside her. Usually when she was feeling upset or poorly, he would pull her into his side and allow her to drift off to sleep with her head on his chest, but for now it would have to do.

Closing her eyes against the onslaught of fresh tears which stained the pillow cover; she came to the realisation that this may not happen again for quite some time, if ever, and let herself drift into a restless sleep.

 

\--

 

_**Present day** _

 

Since leaving his role as The Doctor, Matt hadn’t had the opportunity to act with Alex again. Tonight, however, they have been thrust together one last time to present the award for best supporting actor at the BAFTA awards. From what he’d seen in behind the scenes footage, they were quite close before and he would like to be once again.

He still got in touch with Karen quite regularly and, amidst her attempts to throw him off by feeding him false information, (like the time she told him that he and Arthur had had a steamy fling over the summer), he managed to ask her about his relationship with Alex.  In her words, their relationship consisted of 60 percent flirting and 40 percent sexy banter but assured him that had they been more than  _just_  co-stars, she would have spotted it a mile off. 

As they arrived on the red carpet, photographers and fans called for The Doctor and River to pose together for photographs, he keenly strode up beside her, waving and smiling to the fans and placed his hand upon her waist. Alex gave her most sincere attempt at a smile before wandering up to the doors and into the venue.

Puzzled, he wonders if perhaps they'd had some sort of falling out before the accident, something unforgivable enough that even his memory loss couldn't excuse it; yet something niggled at the pit of his stomach telling him that he was wrong. 

\--

When she arrives in the green room, she moves directly for the single armchair in the corner and sits down. Her heels are gorgeous but she finds herself virtually incapacitated each time she wears them so she begins working to remove them.  
  
Upon entering, Matt notices her struggling; between the low seat of the chair and the positioning of the buckles, she’s not able to achieve her goal on her own.  
  
“Need a hand, Kingston?” he offers.

After a few seconds of continued failed attempts, Alex gives him a grateful smile and welcomes the help. He’d always offered to do this, even before they were together, whether it was putting them on to preserve her freshly painted nails or taking them off to save her almost falling over and hurting someone.   
  
He crosses the small space between them in 4 long strides and kneels down, caressing the long straps wrapping around her calf with his long fingers. Electricity shoots between the two surfaces and he gives a small, sly smile before carefully slipping the first strap out of the buckle.

He moves to do the same for her left foot but is interrupted by a woman’s voice calling from outside. His face drains almost completely of colour causing him to drop Alex's still heel-clad foot to the floor like a hot potato, then dashes behind a curtain out of view. 

Enter; the petite blonde, looking for her now hidden beau. 

 

She peers around the immediate area, not well enough, mind and asks "Have you seen Matt anywhere?" 

 

Alex shakes her head. "Sorry, no. Maybe check the wings. He did mention he wanted to have a word with the stage manager," she suggests. 

The blonde nodded, then turned on the spot and went back in the direction she came. 

"You can come out now," Alex says wearily. Matt emerges from his hiding place seconds later and joined her on the chair's twin. 

"Thanks, I owe you one," he laughed nervously. "I know we're together but sometimes... She drives me mental." 

Alex smiles smugly to herself before looking up. "You know, you can't just avoid her forever," she snaps. "One day she might expect you to make some sort of commitment and then where will you be?"  

 Matt's eyes widen in alarm. The Alex he remembered never used to talk this way to him and he wondered what on earth he could have done wrong between now and the accident that could have changed that. 

Noticing his state of alarm, she sighs. "I'm sorry. I'm a bit all over the place right now," she explains. 

 "That's alright, you seem like you've got a lot on your plate at the moment," he says awkwardly motioning at her with his hands. 

 _'You have no idea,'_ she thinks, forcing a smile. 

 "Listen," he begins, taking her hand in his and giving a small squeeze. "I know we haven't exactly been keeping in touch of late but I just want you to know that I'm still here for you, Alex."

 She knows that he's just trying to be kind but the words pierce her heart like a shard of glass. 

  _Yes he's here for her but not in the way she needed._


	2. Five months

**_  
_**

 

In the weeks after the accident, Matt finds himself inexplicably unhappy. He had his life, he could walk and talk and run just as well as he could before. The chances of that were slim according to his doctors and therefore he should be thankful. He was thankful, to a degree, but couldn’t help but feel sort of… Empty.

Memories he had shared with friends and family were just gone; as easily as deleting a picture on his camera. Scowling, he flipped through recent albums, hoping beyond all hope that it may trigger something. _Anything_. 

Laura, his sister, did her best to cheer him at every turn. “Look, I’ve got Karen on the phone for you,” she beamed as she rushed into the room and passed over the handset.

Matt smiled and took the phone from her. He and Karen had a decent chat but there’s only so far a conversation can go when you can’t even remember what that person has said to you in the past month, let alone two years.

Feeling somewhat bitter, he hangs up after 10 minutes feigning a headache

“Karen’s doing well,” he mutters as he passes the phone back to Laura, who was standing outside the door of his room.  

Laura frowns, tracking him with her eyes as he trod off down the hall, wishing that he could just remember.

_‘Please remember.’_

_\--_

When he falls asleep, he is haunted by the ghosts of memories lost. Restless, he tosses and turns at the sight of the cyclist moments before contact. He instinctively raises his arms to protect his face, closing his eyes to brace himself for contact. Then, in a split second, he sits upright; waking in a bedroom.

For a moment, he feels disoriented as he looks around the room. Light filtering in through the sheer lace curtains illuminates the dressing table where yellow sunflowers in the vase shine brilliant yellow in the morning light.

When he realises he’s safe, he slumps back against the pillow and smiles softly. From the next room, he hears a quiet humming voice; a woman singing a tune.

Moments later, the door to the next room opens and a woman enters the bedroom. She’s drying her hair with a towel draped over the top. Still humming, the woman turns from him and drops the towel she wears to the ground.  
  
Matt grins widely, longing to reach out and touch her, but he can’t. The world is fading around him and he lunges across the bed, stretching an arm out to lift the towel from the woman’s head before it’s too late.

The woman must hear his thoughts because she drops it to the floor a split second later. The last thing he sees before the dream has faded completely; a wet tendril of golden hair.

\--

**_  
_**

 At his last appointment, Matt’s doctor suggested that he could start to consider taking on a project or two to take his mind off things. Bearing that in mind, he placed a call to his agent the next morning, telling him that he’d like him to line up a few auditions. “Nothing major, for now, just some supporting roles,” he explained. 

Julian, or Jules as he preferred, said to leave it with him for a few days and he would get back to him.

Hanging up, Matt felt a sense of self-satisfaction which had been absent for some weeks. 

Within a few days, Jules calls back to tell him of an interesting project he's lined up for him. “The thing is, it’s a Jane Austen adaptation,” his agent says with trepidation, remembering Matt’s dislike for fall-front trousers.

Matt snorts, caressing his jawline with his free hand and chuckles. “Okay, I’m listening.”

“Well, it’s Pride and Prejudice… But there are zombies."

Matt’s sparse brows raise as he nods in approval. “Where and when?”

“They want you in London tomorrow at lunch. I’ll send the address.”  
When he hung up, a feeling of satisfaction washed over him. For the first time in weeks, he felt like himself.

Wanting to make a good impression, he went straight down the hall to the bathroom and pulled out a razor and some shaving cream. Over the weeks couped up inside, he’d grown quite a bit of facial hair, mostly due to the fact that his facial injuries prevented him from shaving but also because he just didn’t give a damn and now was as good an occasion as any to get rid of it.

Carefully, he negotiates the surface with the razor; making sure not to snag on any of the uneven areas on his skin, until he’s as smooth as a pre-pubescent boy.

When he finishes up, Laura peeps around the corner of the door. “My, someone’s looking presentable,” she teased.  
“Shut up,” he whines exaggeratedly, then chuckles, throwing his used face towel at her as she runs away.

\--

The next morning, Matt arrives quite early for his audition and sits down at the reception room with a takeaway tea, mulling over his script. He remained skeptical about the level of success that could be achieved by a Jane Austen zombie adaptation but at the end of the day, it was a distraction, and any distraction was a good distraction, really.   
  
Completely engrossed in his script, he doesn’t notice when the door to his left opens, then slowly shuts. He barely registers that someone has sat down in the seat beside him until he hears his name.   
  
"Matt?" a female voice says tentatively. "It’s been ages! How are you?"  
Matt turns to her, a polite but bewildered smile on his face. She must be someone he knew in one of his blank years, he realises. "Uh hi," is all he manages as he shifts uncomfortably in his seat.   
  
The woman scoffs indignantly. "You honestly don't remember, do you?”

  
"Matt continues to stare blankly at her for a moment, hoping for a miracle that will save his embarrassment. Alas, there was no miracle. Matt sighed. "Sorry," he begins, running his fingers through shaven hair. The dramatic shortness of his hair still takes him by surprise and he quickly removes his hand, instead wringing his hands together. “I had an accident a few weeks ago and some things are a bit hazy. I'm sorry I don't remember you right now. It's been happening a lot lately," he chuckles, blushing. 

Lily looks him in the eye for a few seconds then lets out a long sigh. "It's a piss poor excuse to use if it isn't true," she finishes with a snort. "It's Lily. We met at the BAFTAS last year. The Downton cast were sat next to the Doctor Who one at the winners after party," she explained.  “I was sloshed and you drove me home,” she concludes, looking away in embarrassment.  
  
Matt’s eyes widened. Thinking back, he vaguely remembered the evening. He was sitting with Karen and Steven at the table but there was an empty seat beside him. He supposed it had been Arthur’s but apparently not. “Did we…. Uh….. You know…?” he asked, blushing.

Lily snorts again. “No, you were a perfect gentleman. You got me to the door, made sure I got inside and then drove home,” she explained. “It’s a good thing you didn’t come in actually. I threw up in a vase 5 minutes later,” she laughed.

Without much to say, he listened quietly as Lily gushed about roles she’d played and places she’d been. They traded travel stories and found common interests. It was comforting to be able to talk to someone who didn’t expect him to contribute to the stories they were telling. He'd always been a good listener. His sister said it was one of his greatest qualities. Over the years, his ability to listen had suffered since everyone had expected him to talk. Be the life of the party; and to some degree, he was. But right now, he was happy to just let everyone else do the talking. 

\---

After the audition is complete, the producers and director shake his hand. They’d seen his previous work, of course, and really only wanted to record a screen test so they congratulated him on the spot.

Walking out the door, he bustled up beside Lily. “Hey, d'you want to go out for a drink? If you’re not busy, that is,” he added, blushing.

Quickly nodding, she accepted his offer. “Yeah, I’m free till after 4,” she replied bashfully. 

Matt grinned widely, opening the door and stepping aside to let her out. “Great, I could use one after the month I’ve had,” he chuckled.


	3. Four months

 

 

 

Resting on her side in bed, Alex pushes the pillow from between her legs and rolls over, turning her gaze away from the ring box on Matt’s night stand; now on its ninth untouched week, and scrunches her eyes against the sunlight streaming through the gap in her haphazardly closed curtains, then rolls onto her back to stare at the ceiling.  

 

She'd dreamed of him again last night. Of his fingers gliding softly over the swell of her breast and then tracing a line down and across her stomach. She ghosts her own hand across the exposed flesh for a moment and shudders, quickly removing it, then stiffly sits up and perches on the edge of the mattress. 

 

Each day seemed to be more of a chore than the last at the moment which usually left her on the sofa, staring hopelessly at blocks of text in scripts in an attempt to distract herself. 

 

Once again, she removes the glasses perched upon her nose and gently places them on the script in front of her, then leans her head against the back of the sofa and closes her eyes. 'You've survived by yourself before. You can do it again,' she said, hoping that the words would persuade her heart to feel different. 

 

When she hears the gentle thud of the newspaper hitting the front door, she welcomes the distraction and decides to collect it and read it with a cup of tea.

 

Dragging her favourite purple and green spotted teapot toward her on the counter, measures two heaped spoonfuls of loose leaf dandelion chai in, then adds the boiled water before replacing the lid and leaves it to steep while she collects the matching cup and saucer, then places them on the breakfast table.  

 

She remembered the day she came to possess the ugly set fondly, sighing softly against the rare smile that had crept onto her face. 

 

Matt had begged and begged her to divulge her tea making secrets because her tea apparently tasted better than his, despite them both using the same blend. With a roll of her eyes, she slid the pot in his direction and instructed him to make small circles with the base, being careful to hold the handle and spout securely with both hands. All was well for a moment but his growing excitement was too much and he swirled it just that little bit too hard, causing hot tea to spill out onto his hand and him to throw the pot, with great force, to the floor. His expression of absolute mortification was enough to send her into fits of laughter and the incident was immediately forgiven but he felt simply awful and brought the new set home two days later. 

After allowing the tea to rest, she swirls the pot gently and pours the brew into her cup, catching the leaves with a strainer, and turns to place it back on the counter; only noticing the headline, on the paper as she turns and freezes in place, dropping the teapot to the floor with a loud smash. She snaps out of her trance almost instantly and her eyes lock onto the now tea soaked tile floor.  

“No no no,” she stammers, picking up the paper and reading it again.

**_Matt Smith and Lily James: Former Doctor Who star becomes close to Downton Abbey star._ **

Alex draws a shaky breath in and falls onto her knees in the puddle, only now realising what she had done, and scrapes the broken pieces of porcelain toward her. She feels small fragments sticking her fingers but she pays it no attention. She spies the spout beneath the table and leans forward to collect it, then moves into a sitting position and cradles it with both hands, letting her tears stream down her face.

 _‘Is this really what I deserve_ , she wonders. _Does the universe really hate me this much?’_  
  
She needed to talk to someone- anyone who could talk her through this. And as if by magic, her phone started to ring on the table above her.

In her head, she feels she should leave it to ring until she’s finished crying into the puddle of spilled chai tea but her heart screams that she needs to speak to someone before she does something she’ll regret.

Secretly hoping that it’s her mother and not a telemarketer, she reaches up above her head, grabs her phone from the table and checks the caller I.D.  


_Mum Calling_

 

She sighs in relief and swipes to answer, takes a deep breath in and speaks.

“I can’t do this. I’ve tried but I can’t,” she says shakily.

_“Alex, Is everything okay? It’s Karen.”_

Shocked, Alex quickly steels herself and does what she does best. Act.  
  
“Hello Sweetie,” she purrs. At least she thinks it’s a purr. It may have presented as a watery moan.  
  
“Alex,” Karen asks hesitantly. “Have you been crying?”

She should have known it wouldn’t work. She’s hardly known anyone who could get a lie past Karen. She was basically a walking lie detector test. Nevertheless, she takes a breath in to try again and fails miserably, letting out a loud sob.  
  
Karen, in shock, gives a small sob but pulls it together; now attempting to lighten Alex’s mood. “Come now, you can’t lie to me. I’m your _mother_ ,” she chuckles half-heartedly.

Alex sighs into the phone. “I’ll be fine, honestly. And I’m sure you have better things to do than listen to the woes of an old woman like me,” she says bitterly.

Karen scoffs. “You’re not an old woman! Not if I gave birth to you, anyway,” she says, still trying to make Alex laugh. “Tell me what’s wrong. Do you need me to come over? I mean…. it might take me a while to get there… but-”  
  
Alex shakes her head. “I don't want to make you go out of your way. The truth is... I could use someone to talk to. I just don't know if I'm ready to verbalize it.”  
  
“What about Ma-“ she pauses for a moment, realizing what she was about to say. She finishes lamely “-rgarthe? What about Margarethe?”

Alex pretends to ignore the fact that she knows who Karen was going to suggest and sighs. “She has enough on her plate already with my sisters. Nicola is home with her family at the moment because her house is a construction site and, well, you know about my other sister. I just don't want to be another burden on her shoulders.”

“Okay... but you're her daughter, and she knows what's going on, right? Or have you not told her?”

Alex’s heart practically jumps out of her chest. “Do **you** know what’s going on?”

Karen shrugs on her end of the phone. “I know that you and Matt have been really close recently. I know he was at your place a lot. I don't know exactly what's going on... but obviously you're suffering... He whacked his stupid head, and forgot something important I'm guessing.”

Alex sighs. “That’s a very basic account but pretty much.”

“So you were…” she pauses. “I'm going to hit him on the head - I'm coming there, and I'm hitting him on the head. Maybe if I do it enough it'll knock something loose in that thick skull of his and he’ll remember something useful.”  
  
Alex snorts out a short giggle, then hiccoughs. “Please do.”

She pauses to hear a short part of Karen’s rant before pressing on.

_“…. Like an old 50s television set... I mean... he kinda looks like the vintage drawings of an alien... all boxy and weird –“_

 “In all honesty though… I just feel so stupid and old and... I shouldn’t try to ruin his life,” she sighs, only then realising that Karen was busy ranting.

Realising that she was talking over Alex, Karen pauses and listens to the last statement and sighs. “Honestly I think not having you in his life is a bigger issue than anything you could possibly do. You know that manchild adores you... it only took him, what, four, five, years to tell you?”

Alex shifts uncomfortably. “No. It’s more than that.”

 “Is there something else going on? Oh… oh god did he propose!?” Karen screeches into the phone.

Alex lets out a strangled sob. “But do you see? He's moved on and I don't know what to do without him and I broke my stupid teapot and I'm fat and old-“ she pauses to inhale. “Why on earth would he even want to remember?”

Karen stays silent for a long moment, taken aback. She’d never heard Alex sound so defeated and it tore through her heart like a blunt knife. Quickly switching to mother hen mode, she armed herself with sarcasm.

 “Moved on? Ohhh you mean that Downton Abbey bird,” she scoffed. “Please he stood next to her, I'm fairly certain he's stood next to the majority of the female, and male, populace of Doctor Who fans... it doesn't mean anything,” she snorts. “She's not his type any way. There's no meat on her bones.”  
  
Alex snorts, then hums through a shaky sob.  

“Hey... Alex listen to me. Any man would be **lucky** to have you. Even if you were the size of a proper whale. Matt has had this HUGE crush on you for ... actually... as long as I've known him. It's actually embarrassing and a little pathetic how much he adores you. He'd want to remember being your beau - He's always more than jealous of anyone else that gets to even act with you - have you heard the things he's said at Comic-Con?” She laughs. “He's in love with you! He'll want to remember! And if he doesn't want to remember... then ... as hard as this is for me to say because god help me I love the idiot like an annoying brother... he's not worthy of you.”

“You have no idea how close to looking like an actual whale I am right now,” Alex laughs. “I've been eating my emotions for the past 9 weeks and I look horrendous. You've made me feel better though so thank you,” she sighs. “I think what is troubling me the most is that he can move on like this without feeling the hurt. He loved me enough to buy a bloody ring for god’s sake and I **still** can't even open it. It's just sitting there on his nightstand, burrowing into the back of my head while I sleep and then I open the newspaper and see him walking about with that trollop and I just-“ she pauses and draws in a long breath. “I just- don't know if I want to slap him or her,” she finishes, exhaling sharply.

Karen sighs. “Alex... he will remember. He has to. You're the bloody sun of his world - do you see the light in his eyes when anyone so much as _mentions_ your name? He worships the ground you walk on - he'll remember. He has to.... If he doesn't, I'm hitting him with a vintage TV to make a point,” she chuckles. "And the answer is her. Slap her. She's invading your territory. It's not his fault if he doesn't remember. Her on the other hand... I mean... she should be somewhat aware ... I mean at least of rumours that you two were together...”  
  
Alex shakes her head. "We were so good at diffusing them with jokes and innuendoes that nobody actually put any stock into them. It was all seen as a little fun. Not even my family believed me until I brought him home for my birthday. I just- I hope you’re right about it all, Karen, because I don’t know how much more I can take.”

Karen frowns. “This is going to sound ridiculous… But do you want to come here for a visit? I mean, I know it’s not much… but maybe some time away from it all for a while could help?”

Alex pauses to contemplate the offer. She considers flat out declining but knows that Karen won’t allow that. Instead, she asks “Are you sure being seen with me won't cramp your style?”

Karen snorts loudly before erupting into giggles. “Hey, I’m your mum. If anyone is going to cramp someone’s style, it’ll be me.”

Alex laughs heartily, more so than she has in weeks, and knows what she must do. With a sigh, gives in. “Where and when do you want me?”

“Hang up and get packed - I'm going to book your flight and I'll call you in like... eh... 20 minutes, okay?”

Alex scoffs out another laugh. “You don't have to do that. I'm a grown woman!”

“Don't argue with your mother,” Karen barks, trying and failing to sound stern.

Alex, still laughing at that point, resigns and agrees. “Alright, alright. Thank you. Love you mum.”

“I love you too! Now get off of my phone!”

Still laughing, she hangs up and then moves into a kneeling position to finish clearing up the shattered remnants of her teapot and wraps it in the front few pages of the newspaper. A shard of the broken pot pierces Lily James’ face and Alex can’t help letting out a small giggle of satisfaction.

After standing up, she discards of the sodden paper in the bin and washes her hands to dislodge the splinters of porcelain left in her fingertips, then makes her way upstairs to her bedroom to pack.

 --

 

14 hours later and she had finally arrived at the terminal. She took a quick glance around, checking for Karen, and assumed she hadn’t arrived yet since she couldn’t hear any excited screeching. After a couple of minutes waiting, she decided to make a quick trip to the loo. 14 hours on a crowded plane was not fun for several reasons and the lack of toilets was one of them.

She dragged her small, rolling suitcase behind her to the toilets just across from the gate without even looking up. Arriving in LA from the UK was like second nature now and she could practically navigate LAX with her eyes closed so she was very surprised when she was ambushed by her tall and bony friend just inside the entrance to the toilet.

“ALEX!” Karen yells, throwing her arms around Alex, causing her to stumble and catch herself on the wall beside her. They exchange pleasantries for a moment before Karen remembers what Alex came in for and steps aside, giggling awkwardly. “Give me your bag and I’ll wait outside,” she offers. Alex nods and leaves the bag with Karen, then rushes to the nearest cubicle.

She spends around five minutes in the bathroom; first using the toilet, then washing her face and fixing her hair into a loose bun.

Before she leaves the bathroom, she peers out the window in the door to find Karen and sees her sitting cross-legged on a seat directly across from her. Karen waves excitedly, causing her to shake her head. When she meets Karen outside, she offers to take her bag back but Karen won’t have a bar of it and wheels it all the way to her waiting cab.

 

 On the 20 minute ride to Karen’s, the two sit side by side in the back of the taxi; Karen, with her hand placed gently upon Alex’s and Alex’s head resting upon Karen’s right shoulder. Karen stares out the window and absently traces her fingertips along the side of Alex’s left hand. She’s worried about Alex for the first time since she’s known her.  
Sure, there was the aftermath of her second divorce, but Alex was at peace with that. She was happier than she was during the short period she’d known her beforehand so this was incredibly devastating to see.

It was around 9am when they pulled into Karen’s street, she gave Alex a gentle nudge, causing her to stir. “Sorry,” Alex apologised sheepishly, patting Karen’s shoulder where her head had been resting.

Karen shrugged. “You needed the rest. That plane ride is always hell for me.”

When the car came to a halt, Alex reached down to her handbag to retrieve her purse but Karen nudged her hand away, offering her own credit card to the driver instead.  
  
“Come now, at least let me do this. You’ve already done too much,” Alex insisted.

Karen shook her head and replied with a firm. “Nope.” She made a pop sound on the P for dramatic effect.

Alex sighed in resignation. She’d never win this battle. Karen was far too headstrong for that. Instead, she would sneak some cash into her bag later when she wasn’t looking, she thought.

“Don’t even think about it,” Karen said firmly, as if she could read her mind.

Alex’s eyes widened. “Oh come on,” she chuckled, bowing her head. “Am I really that easy to read?”

Karen nodded. “Call it mother’s intuition.”

\--

 

When they arrived inside, Karen led Alex down the hall to the spare room, pointing out the linen cupboard and guest bathroom along the way, and then left her to get settled while she went into the kitchen to fetch some food to share.

Alex decided to shower before she joined her. Long flights always made her muscles tense and the heat of the water relaxed her- not to mention, her hair could also use a deep conditioning.

When she emerged 20 minutes later, dressed in a white oversized cotton blouse and black tights, Karen greeted her cheerily from the dining table with a fruit platter and some cheese with crusty bread. “Sorry, I’m not usually awake at breakfast time. I thought we could go out to lunch if you were feeling up to it?”

Alex smiled. She didn’t feel up to much at all but she agreed anyway, resolving to stop listening to the pathetic voice in her head telling her to stay at home in the dark.

 _‘I’m with Karen now. I don’t need to feel alone,’_ she reassured herself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait. Parenting got in the way. The next chapter will be up at some point- hoping for sooner rather than later but it's not in my control. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!


	4. Three months

**_Matt_ **

 

Scrubbing a hand over his stubbly face, he answers his phone with a sigh. “They saw us together again today,” he grumbled. “It’ll be all over the tabloids by morning.”

Jules shrugged into the phone. “So, any publicity is good publicity these days. Besides, why shouldn’t they think you have some sort of romance going on? It’ll distract from the amnesia.”

“Because we _don’t_ ,” Matt says defensively. “As far as I know, we’re just friends and co-stars who live fairly close.”

Jules hums into the phone before making another suggestion. “What if you just sort of pretend for a while? Get some publicity? We both know a few of your more recent jobs haven’t been overly spectacular… Maybe hanging from the coat tails of a well-loved British actress will give you a leg up?”

Matt scowls. “I don’t want to use her for my own gain. That’s not me,” he answers, shaking his head.

“Suit yourself then,” Jules shrugs, then hangs up.   
  
A few moments later, Lily re-enters the room carrying a bag of crisps and some drinks. “Who was that?” She asks.

“My agent.” Matt snaps. “Sorry,” he quickly apologises. “He made a really stupid suggestion and I’m still a bit offended.”

Lily sits down on the sofa next to him and passes him a Corona. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Matt bows his head. “It’s a bit offensive to you too, I’m afraid….”

Lily quirks a brow and shifts to face him. “Well now I’m _really_ curious.” She laughs.

Matt struggles to make eye contact as he explains Jules’ reasoning while Lily looks on, clearly contemplating the idea.

“Why not?” She shrugs.

Matt shoots her a puzzled look. “What do you mean, ‘why not’? It’s demeaning, not to mention dishonest,” he explains awkwardly.

Lily grimaces. “Demeaning for who? It’s only demeaning if I don’t agree.” She pauses to take a gulp of her drink and then continues. “Personally, I think it’s a fine idea. We both get exposure, it’ll keep creeps away when I go to events and you have to admit, we _do_ look quite good together,” she says with a chuckle.

Matt contemplates the idea for a moment. She was right. It would give them both some degree of exposure. Plus, Lily was invited to a lot of parties with different networks. It could open a few dew doors…

“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” Matt says, carding his free hand through his short hair.

Lily giggles nervously, covering her mouth. “Me neither.”

Matt raises his bottle. “Here’s to our new arrangement then, eh?”

Lily raises her own drink and they clink them together. “Cheers,” she says, downing the bottle without pause.

Matt’s eyes widen incredulously. It had been a while since he’d seen anyone who could do that. He fondly thought back to the night that he, Karen, Arthur and Alex had spent together after filming Lets Kill Hitler and smiled.

_It was one of the few nights he remembered spending with Alex and truthfully, he was sure it would have equated to more than just the drunken kiss that followed her masterfully downing an entire bottle of pale ale, seemingly, in a single breath._

_What started it was a petty competition between him and Karen which had her half on the floor, giddy with laughter as she kept trying and failing to chug down her own bottle. Alex sat in an armchair across from him, nursing her own bottle and shaking her head._

_“I don’t know why you two always put her through this. Poor delicate, Karen!” she chuckled._

_Arthur snorted and fell sideways against Matt on their shared chair. “Karen. Delicate? Ha.”_

_Alex shook her head again. “You two have a lot to learn about how to treat a lady. We’re pretty bloody spectacular, you know,” she says airily, raising her bottle in Matt and Arthur’s direction and drinking the entire brew in 20 seconds, then winks in Matt’s direction._

_Matt stared for a moment, mouth hanging wide, uncertain whether it was insanely sexy or intimidating on his part. He decides on sexy and shifts in his seat._

_After the others had passed out, he stayed up with Alex and they traded stories about the happenings in their lives since their last meeting a few months prior. It was strictly business until he caught her biting her bottom lip coyly and decided now, when they’re both pissed beyond belief, was the time to kiss her and see where it took them._

_Of course, the rest of the night was a complete blur._

_He woke up the next morning in his bed, almost fully clothed, and she was in her own room and denying that so much as a kiss had happened. Of course, he stuck firm to his recollection but Alex was adamant._

 

Slightly dazed, Matt turns his attention back to Lily who is now picking through the bowl of crisps and taking the unbroken ones for herself.

‘No,’ he thought. ‘This is _definitely_ not sexy.’

 

\--

 

Across the pond, Karen is experiencing severe guilt. During her last phone call to Matt, he’d asked about Alex and whether they had ever had some sort of relationship but she’d insisted that nothing had happened between them.

She knew it wasn’t her fault. She’d had no clue about the relationship until a fortnight later, yet she still felt horrible. What if she’d said she was sure they had? Would he have kept pursuing Alex?

Karen sighs into her wine glass, drawing Alex’s attention.

“Something on your mind, dear?” Alex asks. “You look troubled.”

Karen grimaces. “No, just thinking,” she lies.

Alex eyes her suspiciously but nods and changes the subject. “I was thinking about dinner…” she began.

Karen smiles at her, grateful that Alex didn’t press the subject but also feeling a sense of dread over what takeout they would be dining on that night.

She loved Alex, truly, but when Alex said she had been ‘eating her feelings’ she was not exaggerating and Karen often found herself eating with her in sympathy. It wasn’t a conscious decision… But over the past fortnight, she’d eaten more than she would in a month and her waistline was beginning to feel the pinch.

Sighing, Karen pulls up a menu online. “You said you were feeling like Thai earlier, yeah?”

Alex hums in agreement, picking up her phone to dial.  

While Alex ordered their meals, Karen checked Twitter. The _‘Matt Smith’_ tag, to be more specific and within three seconds of scrolling, a feeling of dread washed over her.

The first and most recent photograph was of Matt walking around London with Lily following close behind. Not so bad… Until you notice that she’s wearing his jacket.

The next photo, she’s clinging to his arm.

The next, he’s whispering in her ear.

Karen’s heart sank for Alex. _She_ should be there with him, not Lily.

She considered texting him… But what would she say?

_‘Sorry, I was wrong. You were in a relationship with Alex but you kept it secret from the world and I’m sorry for confusing you’?_

No. Alex had already said she wanted to let him live his life on his own terms. If he remembered her, great. If not… Well.

Karen sighed again, exiting the app quickly and placing her phone on the chair beside her. She watched Alex quietly, sure that the tell-tale look of heartbreak in her daughter’s eye was now visible in her own. All she could do for Alex now was support her.

 

\--

 

Over the course of the next week, Alex’s mood had improved somewhat and Karen even caught her drawing in the margins of scripts like she used to while she worked.

Smiling, she pulled up a cushion and sat on the chair beside her.

Alex tilted her head down slightly to look at the Scot from above her glasses. “Can I help you?” She asked, chuckling.

Karen giggled. “No, just observing the Kingston in her natural state,” she teased.

“Ohhh clear off, you.” Alex playfully threatened, shoving Karen with a cushion and laughing.

“Not until you admit it,” Karen jeered. “Are you actually feeling alright today?”

Alex sighed, removing her glasses and placing them on the chair beside her. “I will admit that these past few weeks have been easier. I think being at home…” She paused to consider the right words, then continued. “Being at home… it felt like his soul was haunting me…”

Karen simply nodded.

“I think you were right to bring me here,” Alex says, taking Karen by the hand and squeezing it. “But I should tell you now… I don’t think this arrangement can last forever.”

Karen is visibly shocked for a moment before Alex explains herself. “Don’t worry, I’m not planning to off myself or anything,” she chuckles. “No, I mean… I’ve been considering renting my own place somewhere over here. I’m almost certain that you’re sick of me-“

Karen makes a sound of protest but Alex presses on. “Uh-uh, don’t try that. I can see the light in your eyes die every time you walk into the kitchen and find me there eating,” she laughs. “I’m not offended, dear. You are allowed to be frustrated. I’ve been here for nearly three weeks. You have helped me immensely, Karen. I’m so glad to have a friend like you,” she says, smiling softly. “But I’ve overstayed my welcome and I think I’ll find a hotel somewhere in the area tomorrow. Truthfully, I’d forgotten how much I loved it here and I would like to perhaps stay a while longer,” she admits.

Karen nods, remaining silent for a moment. “I’m so glad I could help. If you need anything, I am just a phone call away. Don’t even bother hesitating- I’m your mother, I’m here to help,” she says firmly but with a smile.

 

\--

 

**_Matt: Three months_ **

****

He rolls restlessly in his bed, images of himself moments before the accident haunt his dreams once more, but this dream; it feels different to the others.

He looks around, realising that he has some degree of control over the movements he makes. Like he’s stuck inside a frozen scene.

He looks down at what he’s wearing. _‘Black jeans, white t-shirt with a navy pattern… What’s in my hand? A bag? What’s written on the bag? Astley Clarke… Okay?’_

He hears his phone go off and looks down _. ‘A text? Who from?’_ He quickly glances at the screen and sees that the contact is simply written as a red heart emoji. Not helpful, he thinks. That phone was trashed during the accident…  

When he looks up from his phone, he notices the dream shifting. The scene around him becomes darker; hazier. The traffic ticks by in slow motion but begins building speed with each step he takes toward the kerb. He sees the bike and tries to step back but he can’t. Each step back is a step forward now and he fast approaches impact. Quickly, he pockets the ring box and braces himself for contact.

Suddenly, he finds himself sitting up in bed; beads of sweat glistening upon his brow. He quickly reaches down to the floor and picks up an old script and a pen, then scrawls out the information he remembers from the dream, and lays back down.

‘Perhaps now that I remember _why_ I was there, the person I was doing it for will follow,’ he considers hopefully as he allows his eyes to drift closed.

He falls back to sleep with relative ease, awakening in the same bedroom from his other dreams. This time, however, the bed is not empty.

He feels the solid figure resting against almost the entire expanse of his back and shifts himself in an attempt to see who she is.

She sniffles quietly in her sleep and he smiles, slowly extracting his leg which is sandwiched between both of hers before trying to roll and face her.

Just as he manages to draw the remainder of his foot from between his mystery partner’s calves, his attention is drawn to his phone. He hears it; it’s close. But it’s not the phone that rings on the night stand.

Groaning, he opens his eyes and finds himself in his own bed, very much alone.

He sighs, reaching his hand over to the ringing phone on the table. “Where are you?” He asks with a short tone.

Lily snorts into the phone. “I only went out for cocktails. You don’t have to be an arse about it,” she replies indignantly.

 _‘If being called to act as a taxi weren’t such a regular occurrence, I wouldn’t feel the need to be an arse about it,’_ he thinks to himself. 

“Alright,” he sighs. “Where are you?”

Lily giggles at someone yelling in the background. “What? Oh… I’m at Original Sin,” she finishes before cackling into the phone again.

“Okay, I’ll leave now,” Matt replies flatly before hanging up.

 


	5. Two months

"I just don't know about this,” Alex mumbled as she finished swallowing a bite of her chicken Caesar wrap.

She'd been personally invited by her close friend, Sir Kenneth Branagh, to the LA premiere of Cinderella and was thrilled that he’d thought of her. It wasn't until she'd called Karen to invite her along that her plans began to seem more and more difficult to face.  

"I know it's a huge deal- but you need to face this. If not to support your friend, then to show Lily what Matt's missing out on."  She said, nudging Alex in the side. 

Alex paused just as she was about to take another bite and shook her head. "But that's the thing,” she said, removing a piece of stray lettuce from her palm and quickly eating it. “If he doesn't remember, how does he know he's missing it? And if he does, why has he shacked up with her?”

Karen puts her own wrap back on her plate and places her hand on Alex’s knee. “Alex, I know you don’t think he’s in there right now but I’m telling you- he’s absolutely mad about you and when he sees how gorgeous you look at that premiere, he’ll drop her in an instant,” she says reassuringly. “And besides, you’ve got the added benefit of being an actual goddess,” she shrugs.

 Alex quirks a brow skeptically. “Oh I do, do I?”

 “Um yes! He was always going on about how your skin radiated light and warmth. It was really creepy,” she finished, looking away guiltily.

Alex flushes a deep red and bows her head, smirking. “Really? What else did he say?”

 “It was usually when he was quite drunk but…” She trailed off for a moment to think. “Well, I remember he always said that he loved your hair. That it was like a halo of golden sunlight. And that he loved to kiss you but hated that he had to hold back… He always bounded around like an idiot on days that you were on set. Always made excuses to go to the tea table when he knew you were in makeup, just so he might catch you coming out- and god he’s going to kill me if he finds out I’ve told you these things so I am gonna stop right there,” she cackles.

Alex chuckles heartily. “No-no please continue!”

Karen raises her hand to silence Alex's words. "Nope, from now on I am a fortress,” she laughs. “Now, we need to get back to the matter at hand. What are you going to wear to knock the brains back into that man of yours?”

 Alex’s laughs fade into a sigh. “I don’t know. I suppose I should wear something eye-catching?”

 Alex watches as Karen’s eyes dart around the room nervously for a few seconds, looking for something to fill the silence. “Go on, I know you were going to say something,” Alex finally says.

 Karen shifts uncomfortably in her seat. “Well it’s just…. When you say eye-catching…..”

Alex’s jaw drops as she points an accusatory finger at her friend. “Watch your tone.” She warns, laughing.

Karen keels over, laughing for a few seconds before recomposing herself. “How about a nice empire line maxi?” She shrugs. “It would enhance your god-like beauty.” She fawns, breaking into giggles again.

 Alex rolls her eyes. “I am going to slap you.”

 Karen takes a deep breath in, attempting to calm down, but continues sniggering, causing Alex to join her.

 After a few seconds, their laughter begins to wind down until they both fall silent. “Really though, you look amazing in longer dresses. I’ll find you the perfect one. Please, please, pleeeeeeease?” She begs, grabbing Alex’s wrist and shaking it dramatically, causing Alex to burst into laughter once more.

 “Alright, alright,” she concedes, still chuckling.”

 Karen immediately pulls out her phone and types in a website. “This place is my holy grail for fashion.” She quickly explains as she selects the _Dresses_ section of the site’s menu. She scrolls through for a few moments, looking up every now and then to decide which feature she wants to accentuate with her choice of gown and then pauses, looking back and forth between her phone screen and Alex. “Yes. This is the one.” She says dramatically as she puts it in her shopping cart. “It should arrive in two days,” She says, smiling smugly at Alex.

“Aren’t I even allowed to see it?” Alex asks, slightly panicked.

 Karen shakes her head. “You’re just gonna have to trust me on this. It’s going to look beautiful on you,” she says firmly, patting Alex’s knee.

 Alex shrinks in her seat. Yes, she trusted Karen, but she was always cautious when it came to younger folk dressing her. She didn’t want to come off as mutton dressed as lamb.

 “I know that look and I can _assure_ you, you’re going to look amazing. I’m good at this.”

 Alex nods hesitantly, smiling. _‘I suppose I’ll just have wait and see.’_

_\--_

The following evening, Alex hears her phone chirping away on the coffee table and checks it. It’s Karen texting her to say that her dress has arrived.

 

_It’s even more beautiful than the pictures. It’s going to look AMAZING!!! I’ll be over tomorrow at 2 to help with hair and makeup x_

Alex smiles. Of course, she was still nervous, but she knew deep down that Karen would never dress her in a way that would make her feel uncomfortable or ridiculous so she shoots back a quick reply.

 

_Can’t wait! See you then xx_

 

\--

 

The two decide against a grand entrance as they are running particularly late, thanks to a broken down truck on the way to the premiere, and as a last minute solution, they decide to leave the car at a nearby parking garage. 

Alex carefully steps out of the front driver's side, lifting the hem of her long dress to avoid it snagging on her heel, then stands upright and irons out the creases left in the fabric with her hands. 

She has to admit, the dress that Karen had selected was very beautiful and elegant but not over the top. The V shaped neckline ensured that most, if not all, of the attention was on her bust. Usually, this would trouble her but, with the potential of seeing Matt and jogging his memory at stake, she was content with this style choice. The white silk fabric was something different than usual; her usual being basic black, but she’s glad that Karen had thought to put her in something less matronly on this particular occasion. The pattern, a colourful watercolour floral design, had the added benefit of camouflaging any lumps and bumps she wasn’t overly fond of people noticing.

As she closed her door of the car, she caught a glimpse of herself in the side mirror and did a little twirl, looking at herself from as many angles as she could in such a small reflection and smoothing her hands over her waistline once more. 

"Don't worry, you look beautiful." Karen reassures her, linking her right arm with Alex's left. 

Alex blushes. "Thank you dear. Now, shall we?"

As they pass the mirror, Karen quickly leans down and does a last minute check of her carefully selected nude peach lipstick and smacks her lips together, then readjusts her breasts. "Let's roll," she says, pointing in the direction of the elevator while Alex giggles. 

When they arrive at the red carpet, they are immediately recognized by a few fans and happily walk over to the sidelines for some quick photos and autographs. 

Afterwards, they wave goodbye to the fans and then join in on the festivities with the other guests. Karen beams as she spots a few familiar faces in close proximity and bounds over to say hello. 

Jenna, who is standing close by her partner, Richard; the film's own Prince Charming, bounces up and down excitedly at the sight of them and crashes into Karen, throwing her arms around her.

"Heya! It's been a long time," she says to Karen as the redhead plants a kiss on her cheek. They'd spent a week together while filming Asylum of the Daleks and become quite close as Jenna's presence alone helped her to diffuse the testosterone levels on set and also formed a sort of safety in numbers effect which protected them from most types of shenanigans. 

Smiling, Karen grabbed Alex by the elbow and pulled her closer. "You've met Alex, yeah?" 

Jenna glanced at Alex quickly, but didn't make eye contact. "Yeah, we did a three day shoot for The Name of The Doctor last year. You look…” she trails off, locking her eyes on the mid-section of Alex’s dress. “… well.” she finishes sadly, finally mustering up the courage to meet her eye.

“You too, dear.” Alex replied with a forlorn smile.

Within moments of the exchange, a photographer appeared in front of them. “Oh how lovely; The Doctor’s companions together! Can I get a picture?”

“River isn’t a companion, she’s his wife!” Karen scoffed, but instantly regretted her correction when she felt Alex’s entire body tense beside her. “Sorry,” she whispered sheepishly as they got into position for the photo.

Plastering on their most passable smiles, the three women clustered together; Jenna and Alex positioned on either side of Karen.

“That’s great!” The photographer says after a few seconds of shooting. “Can I get a few individual shots?”

Alex clings to Karen’s wrist nervously as she steps away. “You look _beautiful_ , Alex,” she reassures her again and Alex nods.

“Your dress is lovely,” the photographer commented. “Would you mind rearranging it a little to get a better shot of the details?”

Alex nodded hesitantly, picking up the fabric where it was currently gathered at the back and allowing it to flare out behind her, a bit like the train on a bridal gown.

“Beautiful,” the photographer called. “Now, keep looking gorgeous,” he joked. Alex gagged internally, certain that he made the same joke with all the female celebrities he met but smiled nonetheless. At least that ensured she would shortly escape. “Wonderful, thanks!” he finally said, moving on to Karen.

 

As they moved along the carpet, Alex started to see more and more of her Macbeth co-stars with their young families. Each stopped her briefly to make small talk but were quickly ushered along by their excited children who wanted to get inside to their seats and, of course, send their parents to the snack bar.

By the time she reached Kenneth, he had finished being photographed with his cast and was able to rush over. Beaming, he gave her a long, warm hug and then drew back to fully appreciate her attendance. “Alex, I am so glad you could make it with such short notice.”

“How could I refuse? It’s one of my favourite stories,” she admitted with a polite, albeit begrudging, smile. “Oh, I must introduce you to my friend here.”

“If it isn’t the famous Amelia Pond, or should I say Karen Gillan,” Sir Kenneth boomed. “I’m _very_ familiar with your work,” he chuckled.

Karen blushed. “Wow that is quite the accolade,” she said, fanning her face with her hands bashfully, causing her companions to laugh.

“Oh, speaking of introductions,” Kenneth interjects. “You simply must meet my leads,” he says, calling for Richard and Lily to join them.

Karen can see Alex’s finely tuned facade beginning to falter and quickly closes the distance between them, allowing Alex to lean on her, causing Alex to nod a minute thanks before switching her gleeful persona back on.

When Richard joins the group, his face instantly lights up. “Alex! It’s been a long time,” he says, leaning in for a hug.

Alex chuckles. “Well, well, look at you! You’ve certainly grown up.” She says suggestively, quirking a scrutinizing brow.

“You two know each other?” Jenna asks, surprised.

Richard looks to Alex questioningly. “We worked together, what was it, 5 years ago?”

 Alex purses her lips in thought, then nods.

“Well, dare I say, you look even more radiant now than you did then,” Richard says, flashing a devilish smile.

Alex blushes. “I see why you got this role. Far too charming for your own good,” she says, playfully slapping him on the arm.

“I dare say that you’ve worked your way through every British actor by now since you’ve been at it so long,” Lily says, causing everyone to shift uncomfortably in their places.

 _‘I’ll give her the benefit of doubt and continue to believe she’s just an idiot.’_ Alex thinks to herself before replying, smugly. “Almost, dear. But I think you’ll find that they’ve all been quite satisfied with my performance to date.”   

Lily snorts and crosses her arms over her chest defensively, unable to verbally respond.

“Well, shall we?” Kenneth quickly slips in, trying to diffuse the tension and directing them to the doorway of the theatre.

\--

Across the pond, Matt drowsily rolls over and retrieves his phone from the night stand to check the time. _’11:02? Nice.’_ He thinks. He hadn’t been sleeping too well lately. It seemed like each time he fell asleep, he was summoned to collect his _girlfriend_ from one place or another _. ‘But it’s full of people and they’re all after me, Matt. Pleeeeaseeee? I need you.’_

He sighed in relief at the few notifications he’d received during his fourteen hour slumber and proceeded to scroll through twitter to find the things he found the most interesting; usually, the things he saw were posts by Lor and his mum but today, it seems that it’s the adventures of the ginge.

 _‘@karengillan Cinderella premiere’_ he reads, clicking the link to the Instagram post to see Karen standing against the backdrop, her ginger hair immediately taking charge of the scene. He smiles, scrolling to the next tweet.

 _‘@karengillan Cinderella with the daughter and Dalek’_ it read. Matt scowls minutely, tapping the next link where he sees Jenna and Alex standing on either side of Karen, all smiles.

Had his doctor not advised against long distance flights, he would have been there and able to see his friends but here he was, stuck at home alone. Feeling slightly bitter, Matt drops his phone back onto his sheets before the first comment on the image catches his eye, causing him to pick it back up.

_‘@tinaaaaa “@karengillan Congrats on the impending grandmotherhood!!!”’_

“What?!” He immediately gasps, opening the Instagram app to investigate further by searching the Alex Kingston tag.

Several older images of her pop up at first but then he sees a few of the same singular shot of Alex from the evening before. He taps on the first and gazes at it for a long moment, taking in the sight of Alex’s glowing skin and smile. _‘She looks happy,’_ he thinks, allowing his eyes to wander down to the bulge which was clearly present under her dress.

Sighing, and quite bothered, he places the phone back onto his bed and thinks back to the many occasions that he practically begged Alex to go out with him and she’d turned him down each time, telling him that she wasn’t looking for another long term relationship.

His mind wanders back to the last conversation he remembers with her, standing in the carpark on the BBC studios. ‘ _Please, find someone your own age, Matthew. I can never be the woman you want.’_

_‘But I don’t **want** someone my age, Alex. And the woman I want is **you**.’ _

_‘I’m sorry but you could never make me happy. Please, just let me go.’_

“Well obviously someone was good enough to make you happy,” he mumbles sourly to himself, tossing his pillow over the phone with a sigh.

He’d not realised before just how possessive over Alex he was and to tell the truth, the idea of any other man but himself being that close; that intimate, with her hurt him to the core. Nevertheless, he felt that he wouldn’t be a good friend if he didn’t at least tell her he’s happy she’s happy. After all, at least one of them deserved that.

Hesitantly, he opens his email and begins to write.

 _Kingston! It’s been a long time, -_ “No,” he says, deleting the text and starting over.

 _Alex, I just thought I’d send an email to say hi –_ “Yeah no….”

 _Hello Alex. It’s been a long time._ “Better.”

_Hello Alex. It’s been a long time. I don’t know if you know but I had a bit of an accident recently and knocked my head about so my memory isn’t what it once was and I’ve been neglecting my friendships a bit. Yes, I’m a fool but you’ll be glad to know that for once, it wasn’t completely my fault- so ha!_

_Anyway, I saw some photos from the Cinderella premiere in LA and I believe that congratulations are in order._

_I’m so so happy for you, Alex. You’re going to be a brilliant mum._

_Congratulations again, Love Matt._


	6. One month

Usually, she wouldn’t be awake before 6am. Today was not a usual occasion. She'd been feeling off for the past few weeks and been putting it down to jet lag but something niggled in the back of her mind and it wouldn’t be put to rest until she knew without a doubt. She wouldn’t be surprised if her suspicions were entirely off base. After all, she was almost 45 and had travelled back and forth between London and L.A three times in the past month; obviously that could be taking its toll on her body.

 

_‘Alright, this is it.’_

 

Shaking, she liberated the pregnancy test from its packaging, removed its cap, then lowered it into the toilet and prayed that she'd positioned it in just the right way.

 

 _'It wouldn't be the first time you've missed the stream entirely and ended up staring at a blank window for 10 minutes,'_  she mused to herself.

 

After 5 seconds, she lifted it out of the bowl and could see the moisture already seeping across the test window so she reapplied the cap, then set the test down on the counter and waited with her eyes trained upon a ball of lint to the left of her feet. 

 It was a long shot, she thought, her finally being pregnant. She'd tried and failed to conceive with her ex-husband for years. There was no possible way that after years of tracking cycles and putting a thermometer in places a thermometer ought not go, that giving up completely could finally do the trick. 

 She allowed the test to sit for a minute, her eyes still directed toward the floor. The recommended wait time is a minimum of three minutes and yet, she couldn’t wait that long. Nervously, sidewards, almost missing the second light pink line now forming in the white test window. She snatched the stick up hastily, double and triple checking it.

 

_'How is this even possible?'_

 

She held the test firmly between her knees with both hands, watching as the line grew darker and darker, now almost perfectly matching its fully developed twin. She remained on the toilet, paralysed in her excitement. "A baby- I can't believe-" She let out a squeal of excitement, then gasped and covered her mouth.

Matt had been out late on a shoot and she didn’t want to wake him but it was too late. Matt stirs in the bed; probably checking the time on his phone, then she hears him grunt as he lazily kicks the heavy goose feather duvet down to the end of the bed and not so quietly pads out of the bedroom. Normally, he would use their bathroom but since she was currently occupying the space, he’d gone down the hall to the guest bathroom instead.

Stifling a giggle, Alex quietly made her way out of the bathroom and down the stairs to the kitchen; Matt would have his ritual morning shower before coming down to breakfast which meant that she had exactly seven minutes to set the scene which would surprise the pants off him.

 

Nearly four of her minutes are spent boiling the tea leaves in the kettle. Her friends still ridiculed her for taking the time to slowly boil them on the stove but she swore up and down that it made the tea infuse better. When the kettle begins to whistle, she quickly removes it, pouring the brew into the waiting teapot, swirling the pot three times before she strains the leaves; pouring two cups through her strainer. 

By the sixth minute, she hears Matt stomping about in the bedroom above her head, probably finding something to wear. He opens, then closes the sliding door of the wardrobe and reopens it again, causing Alex to snort. He’d been practically living with her for the better part of a year and he still forgot which side of the wardrobe held his clothes; leaving her around one minute to set the scene.

 Carefully, she moves the two cups of brew to her pine breakfast table, then places them on their matching saucers, making sure to deposit the test upon his saucer but left holding a shortbread biscuit just as he entered the kitchen.

 

"Morning, love," Matt yawns, reaching one long arm out and snaking it around her waist, then stealing a bite of her biscuit.

 Alex leaned into his embrace, giving a soft hum of contentment. "Morning yourself," she observed, quirking a brow as she stole her biscuit back from his grasp. "It's just gone 6, why on _earth_ are you awake?” She asked, sarcastically.

“It could have had something to do with the squealing I heard coming from the bathroom before. Why was that, by the way?”

 “You’ll have to wait and see.” Alex replied smugly, taking a bite of her biscuit. 

Matt eyed her suspiciously as he picked up and took a sip of his tea, then placed it back on the saucer. "What on earth are you on about?" 

Alex dropped her gaze to the floor, exhaling her nerves. Don’t you want to try your biscuit?” She hinted not so subtly.

Matt looked at her, puzzled, but turned to look at his saucer and was surprised to see a white, plastic stick in his biscuit’s place.

 Alex took a deep breath in and began to explain. "Matt, I know this is going to come as quite a shock to you; I rather thought it was impossible myself," she babbled.  

 “Alex, what is-“ Matt began, still confused.

 Alex gulped down her nerves and continued. "Well, like I said, I thought that this was far beyond the realm of possibility at my age." She blushed slightly, diverting her eyes in embarrassment. "The specialists told me time and time again that the likelihood of natural conception was slim to none and all this time, we've been using their word as birth control and - and-" she stumbled on the last few words. 

 Matt raised his brows, the suspense blocking the flow of his natural thought process. "And?" 

 "And I'm pregnant," she finished. 

 Matt looked up to meet her gaze with wide eyes. "You're - you're...." 

 She blinked her eyes furiously, attempting to clear the tears prickling at them. Her mind raced a mile a minute as she mapped out each likely scenario, thankfully, none of which came true. 

 Matt gave a giddy laugh. "Pregnant," he repeated to her with a wide smile. “I’m going to be a- a dad?”

 Alex let out a succession of loud, relieved sobs, just managing to stammer out a few words between. "You're - you're not - upset?" 

 Matt tightened his grasp on her hand. "Why on earth would you think I'd be upset? I love kids! You know that," he said as he intertwined his fingers with hers and gently kissed the back of her hand. “I mean, it’s sooner than I was expecting but I _want_ this with you.”

 Alex dropped her head to his shoulder and heaved a sigh. "I can't believe that after all these years..." She trailed off momentarily. "I'm going to be a mum," she laughed nervously. 

 Matt pulled her closer to himself and planted a kiss to the top of her head. "And an amazing one at that." 

 

\--

 

_Alex shakily retrieves her phone from the table beside the computer and calls her last dialled number. To her surprise, the phone barely rings before the call connects; only leaving the time for her to wail into the receiver._

“Alex? What’s happened?” Karen asks with trepidation.

She lets out a loud sob. “He th-thinks I’ve found another man,” she wails.

“What?! How do you-" 

Alex lets out a long, uneven breath and answers, her words broken by tiny sobs. “He sent me an email - to congratulate me on my- impending parenthood.”

“Oh Alex.” Karen sighs. “Are you sure that’s what he meant though? Did he even mention a man?” 

“He didn’t have to!” Alex snaps, before taking a breath and composing herself. “There’s no way he remembers anything. If he did, he would have asked if he was the father.”

 Karen nods into the phone. “I suppose…. But you don’t know. Maybe some of his memories have come back now?”

 Alex shakes her head. “No, my Matt would basically have written me a novel. This was young and naïve. But the question here is what do I do now? Do I reply? Do I tell him I’m not actually seeing anyone?”

 Karen hums into the receiver for a long moment. “You could tell him that the father isn’t in your life anymore. Technically, not a lie….? Plus, it may scare him into action. Even if he isn’t your Matt right now, he may realise how strongly he feels for you and dump the bimbo.”

 Alex’s brows knit together in thought. “Perhaps.”

 When the two fall silent, she mumbles out her thanks and then hangs up, turning her attention to the task at hand.

_Shaking hands hover over the keyboard of her laptop; it had been six months since she’d last seen or spoken to him and she wasn’t even sure where to begin. Speaking him previously had been so easy, even before they’d been an item. She’d send ridiculous articles and stories she’d read just to start a conversation and now; now she was struggling to even find the words to make small talk._

_Sighing, she begins to type._

_Matt, how lovely to hear from you. I did hear about your accident. I’ve been seeing Karen a lot lately and she filled me in-_

_Thank you for the vote of confidence. At my age, being a single mother will be difficult but I’m tough. I can make it work, I’m sure._

“Subtle, Alex. Really subtle.” She scolded herself before signing off.

_Anyway, you’re probably very busy so I’ll let you get back to it. Perhaps we’ll cross paths sometime soon._

_Take care,_

_Love Alex._

When it comes time to hit send, she hesitates, her finger poised above the send button. ‘What if he is happy? Should Matt’s happiness really be sacrificed for my own?’

 Alex sighs, then closes the window. “I’m sorry,” she says aloud, giving her rounded belly a small pat.

_‘Please. **Please** remember.’ _

_\--_

_Matt groans loudly, rolling to answer his phone._

_“Where are you this time?” He pauses to listen to the slurred directions. “Okay- be there soon.” He sighs, hanging up._

_‘Looks like it’s another night of sleeplessness for me.’ He thinks._

_When he arrives at the club, he doesn’t see Lily waiting outside like she usually is so he heads to the door. The bouncer gives him trouble until he calls for backup and his colleague recognises The Doctor’s face._

_“My sister loves you! She won’t believe this.” He laughs, posing for a quick snap._

_Matt smiles and nods gratefully to the man, Carl, as he offers to escort him inside to find Lily. After a few moments of searching, they find her slumped over against a friend’s shoulder in a booth off to the side of the room._

_“Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey Smith,” Lily’s friend Noni cheers when he appears by the seat. “Thanks for taking her home. I would have but I’m totally hammered,” she chuckles._

_“Mhm.” Matt replies coldly, pulling Lily up from her seat and slinging her arm over his shoulder._

_She groans in protest, at first. “I can walk,” she mumbles, pushing against his side with her elbow._

_“Yeah, sure you can,” Matt says monotonously, grabbing her with his free hand as she stumbles up a step. Carl tries to grab her other arm and sling it over his shoulder to take some of the weight off of Matt but she refuses. “I said I’m fine!” She shouts, pulling away and knocking Matt’s phone and wallet to the floor.  Grunting in displeasure, he stuffs them into his jacket pocket and follows._

_As they reach the stairs out of the club, Matt follows close behind with his hands outstretched to catch her if she falls._

_Yes, you’re annoying most of the time but I’m not about to let you fall flat on your arse if I can help it.’_

_When they arrive outside the club, there are two men with cameras snapping away. He tries to hide his frustration from them; really he does, but the irritation with Lily is plainly obvious on his face. He takes a long stride forward, reaching out his hand to grasp her by the waist before she stumbles in the gutter. He hands over a bottle of water. “Here, drink this,” he instructs after helping her into the waiting cab._

_“I don’t want to!” She snaps, pushing it out of the way._

_“Fine,” he replies through gritted teeth, as he takes out his phone to appraise the damage. He firstly notices that his phone’s screen is not only shattered but when he presses the home button, he realises that it’s practically annihilated. The screen doesn’t turn on, the phone doesn’t vibrate; nothing._

_“That’s just fabulous.” He mutters, realising that it’s going to be a long drive home._

_\--_

_The next morning, he wakes early and lets himself out of Lily’s flat. She’s still asleep and he wants to run to the Vodafone store while he can to buy another. At least he was almost due for an upgrade, he rationalizes as he walks in._

_“Hey mate, what can I do for you?” The salesman asks with a wide, fake smile._

_Matt and smiles back awkwardly. ‘I’m in a phone shop. What does it look like?’ He comments sarcastically in his mind. “Uh hi……….” Matt says as he notices his name tag. “Dave? I smashed my phone last night and it won’t turn on anymore. Just wanted to replace it.” He explains simply._

 _"_ _Good! Same model? Upgrade?” Dave enquires._

_“Um, an upgrade would be nice?”_

_Dave nods wisely. “You’ll be familiar with the basic interface, then. Good choice, mate.”_

_Matt pulls his smashed iPhone 5S from his pocket and places it on the counter. “Wow you really did a number on that one.” Dave comments._

 Matt ‘mhm’s’ in agreement. “Did you have a colour preference? There’s silver, gold or rose gold on this model.” Dave offers.

“Just silver is fine, thanks.”

Dave opens a cabinet below the display phones and rummages about for a moment before pulling out a white box. “Now with this model, you’ll be able to just put in your old sim and save the trouble of setting up a new one and of course, there’s iCloud which would have backed up your old photos.”

Matt pauses. “So even my photos from my old phone before this will still be there?”

Dave nods. “As long as you’ve got an iCloud account, yeah. Look for the option to recover from iCloud backup file and it’ll work from there.”

Matt nods again. He may not remember the past two years but at least with photos, he may be able to get an idea of what he’s forgotten; maybe even start to remember them.  

“Now don’t be offended when I say this. I have to say it to all of my customers,” Dave laughs. “Would you be interested in purchasing a hard cover for this one? Protects it from impacts.” He explains.

Matt considers his offer for a moment. “Actually, yeah…” He answers, laughing awkwardly.  

“Great! Will you be paying by cash, credit or debit today?” Dave asks cheerily. Matt pulls his credit card from his wallet and hands it over to Dave. “And will that be pin or sign?”

“Uh, pin, please.” Matt answers. He’s given up on signing receipts because a few have mysteriously gone missing in the past few years and he’s needed to dispute it with the banks. 

“Great,” Dave says as he offers the machine to Matt to key in his pin.

“Would you like this in a bag, sir?”

Matt nods.

“Good-good! Have a nice day, sir.”

 

\--

 

When Matt arrives home, he heads for the living room and sits down on the sofa, then leans across to the glass-topped coffee table to retrieve his Macbook, then sets to work to retrieve his old files.

“Hey baby bro, didn’t hear you get up,” Laura observes as she reaches the bottom of the stairs by the living room.

“Mm yeah, had to go out and pick Lil up late last night,” he replies, selecting the recovery option.

Laura makes a face of discontent. “Ah… Want a coffee?”

Matt shakes his head. “Nah, makes me bounce off the walls. A tea would be great though if you wouldn’t mind?”

Lor nods dutifully and marches off to the kitchen while Matt waits for his computer to finish loading, then blindly selects all of the files and saves them to his computer. They’re sorted from newest to oldest so he opens the first and starts clicking through them. “I can’t believe I’ve got 2000 photos here,” he mutters.

“Sorry, what was that?” Calls Laura from the kitchen.

“Oh nothing,” he calls back, watching intently as he skips through photo after photo.

When he reaches the 400 mark, Laura returns to the living room with their tea and places it on the coffee table next to his computer. “Ooh, what are you looking at?” She asks curiously as she sits down.

“My phone got smashed last night so I went and got another. The guy in the shop told me to restore the ones from my iCloud before I lost them,” he shrugged. “At least there’s some sort of record of my lost time.”

Laura shifts uncomfortably in her seat. “Well that’s… something.” She says awkwardly.

Matt hums in response, still clicking. He’s up to the photos of his last day on the set of Who. Scowling minutely, he sees the bittersweet smiles on the crew’s faces as they eat slices of the fez-shaped cake. “Well that’s not cool,” he mumbles, wiping a tear from his slightly watering eye.

Laura snorts involuntarily, then continues sipping at her tea.

When he reaches the early thousands, things start to get interesting. “Oh, here’s one of Alex,” he says, instantly perking up. “Hm, there’s another…” After a few moments, he realises that she’s in bed, potentially nude, and blushes, hoping that Laura hasn’t noticed what he’s looking at.

Laura buries her face further into her steaming cup, wide eyed and panicked.

He continues to click through the images; each image like flipping through a roughly drawn animation in a post-it book, now noticing that Alex is waking and smiling at him over the arm she has resting by her head. He flips slower now, gazing more intently into Alex’s eyes, as she rolls onto her front and reaches out her hand to block out the view of the camera.

Now perched on the edge of his seat with the computer on the coffee table, he frantically skips anything that doesn’t resemble Alex; coming to a pause as he reaches the next sequence of images, a series of photos of Alex curled up on an armchair, reading.

Matt scowls as he continues, eventually coming to a stop on a photo of himself and Alex in the very seat he now occupies. It’s obviously Christmastime because he’s wearing the ugly Christmas sweater Karen gave him a few years ago and Gramps standing behind them holding a sprig of mistletoe above them. Alex is gazing over Matt’s shoulder and giggling.

Knowing what’s coming next, Matt’s gaze falls on Laura as he clicks to the next image, and he mournfully looks his sister in the eye. They stare at each other for a few moments until she looks away guiltily; then he turns back to the computer to see himself and Alex, smiling into what looks like the most love-filled kiss he’s ever given.

“I’m so sorry, Matty. They told us not to tell you and then you got with Lily and I just-“

Matt turns back to his sister. “You just what? Just wanted to see me be a miserable bastard for 6 months?” He almost shouts. “God Lor, do you understand how horrible, how alone, I’ve felt this year?”

Laura stammers, unable to speak before Matt closes the distance between them and starts at her again. “Do you have any idea how long I was in love with her? I’ll give you a clue; it was longer than two years.” He snaps, jabbing a finger at the side of his head. “I can remember loving her. It’s as easy as breathing but you know what? Alex has met someone and she’s having a baby so you don’t have to worry about us being together anymore. I hope you’re really happy,” he snaps, picking up his phone and storming from the room.

Laura stands motionless in the centre of the living room, on the verge of tears. “What have I done?”

\--

Upstairs, Matt anxiously scrolls through his saved contacts and taps on Karen’s name, then raises his phone to his ear. It’s just after 2am in LA but he doesn’t care. He needs answers and he needs them now. He hears the line pick up and doesn’t bother to wait for a greeting.

_“I’ve bollocksed it all up, haven’t I?”_


	7. Present Day

The time is 2:04am and Karen is fast asleep. She’d stayed up later than usual watching Gossip Girl that night, having nothing better to do between films, and passed out on the sofa just after midnight. She was dreaming about Doctor Who, of all things, which caused a small smile to grace her lips. She was completely at peace; until the sound of her phone going mental by her head woke her with a start, that is.

“Ngghyahhhh,” she moans, batting at it haplessly to answer and shut it up.

“I’ve bollocksed it all up, haven’t I?” Matt snaps down the line.

Karen scowls at the phone, sure that Matt must have the wrong number, before answering him croakily. “Wha-“ she says, drifting off and letting out a small snore.

Matt snorts. “KAREN!”

Karen jolts awake again, yelling in displeasure. “What is it?!”

“Karen, I found photos of me and Alex. I need to know. Is it too late?”

Karen’s pale face grows impossibly paler as she attempts to dodge the question. “Um-well…”

“Karen, please?” He urges. His voice is raised slightly, but she can tell it’s in desperation and not anger at her.

She sighs. “It’s not too late.” She says simply. “Alex is still mad about you. She probably still cries herself to sleep at night and please don’t tell her I said that. She slaps hard and my face is too fragile for that sort of abuse.” Karen babbles.

“Wait, what? She cries herself to sleep?” He asks, heart sinking.

Karen makes a strangled sound of panic. “I shouldn’t have said that.”

Matt swallows tightly. “What on earth did I put that woman through?”

Karen sighs. “Do you really want to know? Alex is basically like an emotional fortress but I have the basics and I’ll tell you if it will help.”

Matt gasps gleefully, jumping on the offer and seizes it. “YES!” He shouts hastily, then clears his throat. “Please, I mean… Yes, please.”

Karen chuckles, shaking her head. “Alright so after you had the accident, Alex was a complete mess. I called one day on a whim and she practically broke down. Said that your ghost was haunting her everywhere she turned and she couldn’t escape. You two were way too subtle, by the way. I had no idea you were serious enough to…” she laughs awkwardly, realising that she’d almost said too much. “Anyway, she was distraught, so I told her to come over here for a while.”

Matt sighs. “Do you know how long we were… you know?” Matt asks hesitantly.

Karen umms for a moment. “I think it would have been more than a year… I remember you both exuding the love vibes at the BAFTAS but then again, you always did so I just brushed it off.” She shrugs.

Matt scowls. “The BAFTAS? That’s where Lily said we met the first time.”

“Oh yeah, I remember that. She was following you around like a lost puppy all night at the after party. Kept trying to crack onto you but you kept redirecting her to that producer, Jamie,” she laughs.

“Do you know what happened after that?”

“Uhhh… I think she got absolutely sloshed and convinced you to take her home. Alex helped because her flat was on the way but you swore nothing happened with either of them.”

He remains silent for a moment, prompting Karen to clear her throat to check he’s still there. “Sorry, was just thinking.”

“Oh?” Karen enquires.

“Yeah, it’s just… Never mind. I need to concentrate on Alex. What do I do?”

“Well,” Karen sighs. “You can smack yourself in the head for making her cry the other day. She called me in tears because you think she’s seeing someone.”

“And she’s not?” Matt asks eagerly.

“No, you numpty!”

“But she’s pregnant…”

“Keen observation, Smith. You really should be a detective.” She replies, completely deadpan, waiting for the penny to drop.

It takes a few moments for the realisation to dawn on him but when it does, it hits him like a pile of bricks. “Oh my god. I’m going to be a…” Matt throws a hand over his mouth to mask his excited shrieks. “How on earth did I forget this?!”

“Well, I think maybe it involved your stupid old head and the pavement but that’s not important. What’s important is you need to get over here and sort this mess out.” She instructs.

“Yes! Wait, no…” He says, quickly. “I’m not allowed to fly yet. Doctor’s orders. If I could, I’d be on the first plane out.” He says sombrely.

Karen heaves a sigh. “Well we need to throw you and Alex together somehow… Look, leave it with me, let me sleep and I’ll call you back at a decent hour?”

Matt blushes. “Yeah, sorry about that...” He replies sheepishly. “Night Kaz,” he chuckles.

“Goodnight,” she replies, shaking her head, smiling.

\--

The morning after her chat with Matt, Karen wakes at an ungodly hour to make a crucial phone call. Watching the first rays of sunlight peeking in through the shutters, she retrieves her cell phone from the floor and clenches it in her right hand. It’s been quite a while since she’s spoken to this particular person and it makes her quite nervous, if she’s honest. Nevertheless, she knows what must be done; knows what is at stake, and pushes her anxiety aside.

The phone rings nine times before being picked up. Trust The Moff to leave her hanging, she sighed, shaking her head.

"Moffat! I need you to do me a big favour."

\--

No sooner does she hang up with Moffat, her phone begins to ring. “Helloooooo Smith!” She cheers upon answering.

Matt, taken by surprise, almost drops his phone but somehow manages to catch it between his right forearm and left hand before it falls to the floor. “Hey, I’ve been trying to call you for 10 minutes!”

“Yeah sorry, I was putting my plan into action,” she explains with a nonchalant tone.

“What do you mean? What plan?” He asks, surprised. He was under the impression that they would formulate a plan of attack together but it seemed that Karen had taken care of it for him. He wasn’t annoyed at her but he would have liked to at least be in on it.

Karen begins to babble. “I called The Moff- don’t worry, I didn’t say anything too telling. I just asked him to call in some favours.”

“Uh-huh….” Is all Matt replies hesitantly.

She continues enthusiastically. “It’s a good plan, really! You’re going to need to iron your best suit though because you and Alex are going to be presenting an award together at the BAFTAS in LA!” She finishes with a squeal.

His insides jump with giddiness before a sudden realisation snuffs it out. "Um, Karen..." he attempts to interject, but she just keeps talking.

"It's basically all set. You're going to be going as The Doctor and Alex will be River and-"

"Karen!" Matt interrupts. "The plan won't work." he sighs.

"What do you mean, it won't work? It's foolproof. Alex always goes and-"

"I can't fly, remember? I told you last night" Matt sighs plainly. "My doctor says it'll put too much pressure on the fracture. It's why I couldn't go to the Cinderella premiere last month."

Karen replies with a simple "Oh."

"Yeah 'oh'" Matt mumbles bitterly. "Maybe you would have known that if you'd bothered listening."

Karen remains silent, a reddish hue now darkening her fair complexion. "Well sorry. I was just trying to help," she mutters.

Matt's hardened expression softens as he realises how out of line he is. Karen is his friend and she is trying to help him. He shouldn't be snapping at her. With a sigh, he apologises. "I'm sorry, I know you're trying. I just want to fix this and every time I get close, it seems like something gets thrown in my way and I just... I want to be happy again."

Karen scowls. "You're not happy? What about Miss Downton?"

Matt scoffs. "Lily? Noooo," he almost chuckles. "We're just... Something?"

"So you're not together?" She asks with an inquisitorial tone. If they're not together, getting him and Alex back together will be a breeze, she thinks hopefully.

"Well..." He pauses to think. "She seems to think we're together."

"What's that supposed to mean?" She snaps, somewhat annoyed by his vagueness.

Matt sighs in resignation. "You're going to think I'm an idiot but we sort of... It was supposed to be- It was like a friends with benefits thing but-"

"Ergh stop right there! Don't need to know the details!" She shrieks, holding the phone away from her ear.

Matt blushes red. "No not like- Karen? KAREN!" He yells into the phone, trying to regain her attention. He hears her "mmm?" hesitantly to signal her return so he continues his explanation. "A few months ago... we became friends and the press started blowing it out of proportion... It was sort of good publicity so we figured we'd run with it?"

Karen scowls. "You realise how ridiculous that sounds, yeah?"

Matt nods, letting out a long sigh. "Yeah I know. I've been paying for it ever since. She treats me like a bloody taxi service every other day."

"Then leave her!"

"It's not that simple Kaz. Laura loves her and mum thinks she's the greatest thing since sliced bread! Even dad likes her and that's saying something because the only girls I've introduced him to that he's got along with are you and..."

"And?"

"Alex," he sighs.

Karen sighs along with him. "We're going to sort this, 'right? You're not allowed to feel sorry for yourself until you've gone to your doctor and had that head checked out. You don't know, maybe it's okay to travel now," she says, shrugging.

Matt nods. "You're right. I shouldn't give up yet. I'll go against medical advice if I have to," he says firmly.

"Don't get ahead of yourself. You shouldn't risk it if being in the air makes your brain come out your ears," she chuckes. "you do actually need it, remember?"

"Oh yeah..." He blushes.

After a momentary pause in the conversation, Karen instructs him to make an appointment with his doctor before bidding him farewell.

"Okay Kaz, I'll see you in a few weeks..." he says hopefully before hanging up to call his doctor.

 

\--

 

Standing in the check-in line at the airport, Matt grimaces as Lily reaches down to cup his left buttock. Scowling, he turns to face her head on. “Not here Lil,” he says through gritted teeth, to which she smiles overly sweetly in return.

He hadn’t wanted to travel with her, truly, but Downton Abbey had been nominated and she quickly jumped at the chance to visit LA again, much to Matt’s dismay. As they arrived at the desk, they handed over their ticket receipts and were given their boarding passes. Matt praised the heavens above that he’d requested a single seat in first class. It ensured that he’d at least have some freedom from Lily’s pestilence for the duration of the flight.

“I can’t believe you booked a single. It’s not that hard to get two seats beside each other. We should see if they’ll change it,” Lily suggests firmly but Matt shakes his head

Matt shrugs, in an effort to maintain an air of nonchalance. “No, I’ll just stay in my seat. It’ll give me some time to get into character. I’ve got some Doctor Who episodes downloaded on itunes so I’m going to watch a few of those. It’ll help me get the interactions with River right,” he says smugly, watching to gauge her reaction.

Lily snorts indignantly. She isn’t a particularly big fan of Doctor Who, which he found out while marathoning series 5 last week, and he’s been relishing the reactions to Alex’s presence which were many instances of eye rolling and two attempts at getting his attention by way of strip tease in front of the telly; both of which were pointedly ignored.

Since Karen’s phone call, he’s suspected that Lily had been secretly trying to sabotage his and Alex’s relationship for quite some time. Her reaction to the news that he would be presenting was almost proof enough but now, he was keen on pushing her to the limit. Perhaps if he pushed hard enough, she’d get frustrated enough to leave.

The flight, though long, was peaceful and he found himself able to sleep quite soundly, even through the turbulence. At one point, he noticed that Lily had worked her way through what seemed like the entire menu of alcoholic beverages on offer and attempted to catch his attention from her side of the aisle to not-so-subtly hint to meet her in the plane’s toilet. He quickly declined, pointing to his head and resting it against his inflatable pillow.

He’d entered into this agreement with her to drum up some good publicity, not be forever tarred as Doctor Screw, he thought with a sour expression.

After their flight had landed, Lily staggered out of her seat and into the aisle, then tried to remove her carry-on bag from the overhead compartment. She struggled for a few moments, stumbling backwards once or twice, before Matt sighed and stepped in to help. Again, remembering that he was a gentleman first, despite the bad taste in his mouth, and offering her his arm as they exited the plane.

After leaving the gate, Lily made her way to the bathroom and he did the same. When they met back up to leave they were , of course, flocked by paparazzi. He figured that someone must have tipped them off when they were leaving Heathrow but Lily had somehow managed to apply a thin, almost unnoticeable layer of makeup in the short time since they’d exited the plane.

With a wide smile plastered on her face, she waved daintily at the photographers as they waded through the crowd. Matt kept his face neutral as he trailed behind her, wondering whether she had been the one to tip them off in the first place but not wanting to cause a scene.

\--

 

The following morning, Matt woke to his alarm at 9am, so he could quickly slip out of the room without Lily following him. He had a date to keep with Karen and didn’t want her to further derail the plans. Quietly, he tiptoed from the bedroom after dressing, then located the shoes he wore in the previous evening before leaving the hotel.

He’d made sure to book one within a short walk to Karen’s apartment so walking there wasn’t a problem for him. He quite liked LA. It was busier than London which made blending in a lot simpler. He walked for 15 minutes, taking in his surroundings at a leisurely pace. In all honesty, the walk itself would take 5 or 6 minutes if he’d walked briskly but he was in no hurry.

When he arrived at Karen’s building, he prodded at the buzzer impatiently; at least a dozen times, before Karen answered. He wasn’t actually being impatient, he just liked to bother her and knew she hated it.

“It’s got to be you.” She groaned into the speaker, to which Matt giggled in response. “Come on then,” she whined, buzzing him in.

With a roll of her eyes, Karen flung the door open for him to enter. He pauses in the doorway for a moment, smiling reverently at his friend for going above and beyond her call of duty over the past few months.

“I really can’t thank you enough for this.” He says as he flops down onto the white sofa.

Karen looks at him, puzzled. “What do you mean? I haven’t done anything.” She shrugs.

Matt scoffs. “Yes you have! You’ve been by Alex’s side practically the whole way through this mess and you’ve helped me out with getting her back. I owe you... more than one.” He finishes firmly, after pausing to think.

Karen chuckles. “I’ll remember you said that but really, I didn’t do anything a good mother wouldn’t do.”

It takes Matt a moment but he soon catches on and chuckles along with her. Once the laughter dies down, they begin catching up on each other’s lives.

Matt fills Karen in on the fiasco that is his arrangement with Lily and Karen updates him on the happenings with Alex before the accident, making sure to leave out the second most important detail, and of course, giving him a few details about the pregnancy.

His mouth agape, Matt hungrily devours the information; new and old, barely making a peep as he listens. He cancels no less than 29 calls from Lily before finally leaving to return to his hotel room.

“I’ll see you tomorrow night then?” Karen asks eagerly.

Matt nods. “Yeah, I’ll be the idiot in a suit that trips over himself onstage, probably.” He laughs, shaking his head as he waves his way down the corridor, knowing full well that it will most likely happen.

 

\--

 

In the car, Matt watches her like a hawk from the corner of his eye. The BBC had paid for the members of their cast to ride in style and so, the Doctor Who cast present were together in a black Aston Martin. Jenna sits directly across from him with Alex at her side and he is sat next to the current Doctor, Peter Capaldi, who periodically questions him on his time as The Doctor and also any hilarious stories he may taunt Jenna with. He doesn’t remember much of anything when it comes to their time together on the show so he simply shrugs, looking to Jenna with an apologetic expression, causing her to giggle. He glances briefly toward Alex again, noting that she’s not her usual, full-of-life self and frowns. He doesn’t recall their relationship but he’s at least got enough of an idea of how to decipher her facial expressions and posture to know that she’s moments from bursting into tears.

As they arrived on the red carpet, photographers and fans called for The Doctor and River to pose together for photographs, he keenly strode up beside her, waving and smiling to the fans. Alex gave her most sincere attempt at a smile before wandering up to the doors and into the venue. It was far too loud and bright for her liking, especially with the headache that was throbbing at her temples.

Matt looks on briefly and wonders if perhaps they'd had some sort of falling out in the days before the accident, something unforgivable enough that even his memory loss couldn’t excuse it; yet something niggles at the pit of his stomach telling him that he’s wrong. 

He so desperately wants to talk to her but doesn’t want to upset her so he decides to take the subtle route and attempts to get her to open up slowly and gently but each attempt is quashed by her sudden need to take care of business elsewhere. When he does manage to corner her, she closes herself off, giving only generic answers to his questions when she can’t avoid them.

\--

Standing in the wings, watching the Doctor Who showreel, Alex clutches at the railing with one hand and at her belly with the other, cringing against the sharp pain in her side. Taking a deep breath in, she detects a familiar aroma that engulfs her senses and closes her eyes against a flood of memories, knowing who was now standing a few feet from her without having to turn around.

She’d done her best to avoid him all evening, knowing that what was in her heart didn’t matter and that she couldn’t do a thing about it, so she would find dozens of miniscule tasks that didn’t need her attention just to escape. His new girlfriend made it incredibly easy to do so because each time he wasn’t running through the schedule or running his lines, she was sneaking in for a snog.

This was obviously not going unnoticed by Matt as each time it occurred, Alex would miraculously vanish from the room. Not taking the time to observe his reaction.

"Please Lil, not now," he repeated for the umpteenth time that day. 

Pouting and rolling her eyes, Lily would storm away in a huff.  

  
Noticing that she's not completely present in that moment, Matt decides to get her attention."Everything alright, Kingston?" 

It seemed like an innocent enough question and of course she smiled and nodded in response but he could see the pain in her eyes. He offered her his arm, which she hesitantly accepted, intertwining his fingers with hers, and giving her hand a reassuring squeeze. 

They're about to present an award together and it's the first time she's played River Song in quite some time so it's probably nerves, he thinks to himself. "Break a leg," he says, reluctantly, releasing her hand and letting her arm drop back to her side. 

She places her now free hand upon her swollen belly and scoffs. "I can barely walk as is, don't wish that on me too," she says with a small, watery, laugh. 

Matt splutters and she giggles at him in return. "Anyway, off I go," she says as she makes her way over to the curtain to await her cue. 

When given the signal by the stagehand, she steps out from behind the partition to an uproar of applause as she makes her way over to the podium. 

"Good evening everyone," she began. "I'm supposed to be presenting with someone this evening but it appears that I've been stood up," she says sarcastically, adding a dramatic eye roll for effect. 

As if on cue, the crowd burst into laughter signaling the presence of her co-presenter and she turns to face him. 

"Sorry I'm late," he shouts as he waves over-enthusiastically to the audience.   

"And what sort of time do you call this," Alex asks, pointing to her wrist. 

He saunters over to the join her and leans into the microphone. "Sorry, dear. The TARDIS delivered me here 3 hours early so I decided to do some final checks and lost track of time. Good news though! I'm about 94 percent sure that the ceremony is safe from alien invasion!"

The crowd laughs again. 

Alex returns her gaze to the crowd and lets out a long, frustrated breath. "Shall we get on with it, Sweetie?" 

Matt turns to face her, puzzled. "With what?" 

Alex responds with another roll of her eyes and points to the screen behind them which read 'BAFTAs'. 

  
The list of nominees is displayed in another showreel on a large screen behind them. Alex waits for it to finish before speaking her piece. "And the award for best actor in a series is-" 

"Peter Capaldi" Matt finishes. 

They pass the statuette along as Mr Capaldi reaches the podium. Both leave him with a congratulatory hug before he begins his speech. 

Matt offers his forearm as they exit the stage and she accepts it shakily. 

When they arrive back in the green room, Alex moves directly for the single armchair in the corner and lowers herself into it with a long, pained, sigh which causes Matt to have a small heart attack. “Are you alright?” He practically yells, crossing the room in four steps and almost tripping over an ottoman. “Do you need anything? Heat pack? Water? Massage?”

Alex gives him a grateful smile. He’d always offered to help anybody on set if they needed help relieving their aches and pains; whether it was back pain or a headache; he was always there to accommodate anyone’s needs. “Well, my feet are quite sore but that’s more due to poor choice in footwear than anything,” she says, shrugging.

Shaking his head, he looks down to her two heel-clad feet and tuts. “Kingston, you’re giving birth any day now, why are you still wearing these?”

Alex shrugs again. “I honestly don’t know. Habit, maybe?” She sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose.

Matt shakes his head, smiling. “I’m going to take these off, alright?” He says, kneeling down and undoing the buckles on each shoe, then removing them and setting them on the floor beside the chair.

Alex lets out a long, throaty moan as his hand traces along the indentations left by the straps on her swollen feet, causing him to drop Alex's foot to the floor like a hot potato.   
Alex stifles a giggle, shaking her head. “So that accident you had... It did nothing for your lack of coordination, I see.”

“Oi,” he laughed, pointing an accusatory finger in her direction and causing another giggle to escape her. “See, that’s the Kingston I know and-" he pauses, quickly standing and dashing across the room to hide behind the curtain.

Enter; the petite blonde, looking for her now hidden beau. 

She peers around the immediate area, not well enough, mind, and asks "Have you seen Matt anywhere?" 

Alex shakes her head. "Sorry, no. Maybe check the wings. He did mention he wanted to talk to the stage manager just before," she suggests with an air of nonchalance. 

The blonde nodded, then turned on the spot and went back in the direction she came. 

"You can come out now," Alex says wearily. Matt emerges from his hiding place seconds later and joined her on her chair's twin. 

"Thanks, I owe you one," he laughed nervously. "I know we’re supposed to be a thing but god she drives me mental." 

"You know, you can't just avoid her forever, don't you? One day she might expect you to make some sort of commitment and then where will you be?" She snaps.  

Matt's eyes widen. He wasn’t expecting Alex to be quite so frank since she’d been less than forthcoming with anything she felt all evening so it caught him off guard.

Noticing his state of alarm, she sighs. "I'm sorry. I'm a bit all over the place right now," she explains. 

"That's alright, you've got a lot on your plate at the moment," he says as he grasps her hand and gives it a squeeze. 

'You have no idea,' she thinks, grimacing. 

"Listen, I know we haven't exactly been keeping in touch of late but I just want you to know that I'm still here for you, Alex, and I want to keep being here for you; if you'll let me, that is.."

She knows that he's just trying to be kind but the words pierce her heart like a shard of glass. 

“Thank you, darling,” she says with a sad smile.

  
  


 

 


	8. Resolution

After the awards ceremony, the BBC BAFTA attendees are shuttled by cars to a grand celebration at a nearby luxury hotel. The  Paparazzi and a few fans have flocked the makeshift barriers blocking the street for the event but between security and the blockades, escaping them is relatively easy.  

Matt sits sandwiched between Jenna and Lily, who has wormed her way into their car somehow, and watches Alex with an expression of deep concern. Each bump and turn they make seems to pale her more and more and by the time they reach the head of the driveway, she’s impossibly white.  

“Alex, are you alright?” He finally asks, his concern apparent in his tone.  

Alex smiles weakly, then nods. “Just a bit queasy. I’ll be fine once I get out of the car and stretch.” 

Matt eyes her skeptically but says nothing more on the subject; instead, offering her a hand when she climbs out of the low seat.  

“Still no shoes, I see,” he observes with a smile.  

Alex looks down to her bare, swollen feet, blushing, and sighs. “I just _can’t_.”  

“You’re wearing a long gown. Nobody will notice,” he chuckles, to which she returns a weak smile.  

“Well, I suppose I should let this go," she observes, relinquishing her grip on his forearm. Honestly, she feels ghastly and wishes she could cling to him for the whole night but she can feel the flesh melting from her bones as Lily glares on and isn’t feeling up to a fight at the moment.   
 

Matt rolls his eyes, then leans in closer to her ear and says, “Don’t pay attention to her. I’ll escort you inside.”  

Alex smiles but politely declines his offer, giving his arm a small pat. “No, I’ll just hobble in and find a seat. Thanks anyway, darling,” she sighs.  

Matt sighs in resignation and lets her go, watching the back of her as she grips the railing and carefully ascends the staircase into the hotel.   

“I saw that,” Jenna observes, nudging him playfully in the side with her elbow.  

Matt, flustered, turns to her; now going bright red but trying to act casual. “Saw what?”  

Jenna quirks a scrutinizing brow. “You staring at Alex’s arse.”  

“I - no - it wasn’t -” he fumbles out before exhaling and starting again. “She’s not feeling well and wasn’t very steady on her feet earlier. I didn’t want her to fall,” he says firmly. “Can we go inside now?”  

Lily bustles forward and latches onto Matt’s arm. “Let’s go _darling_.”  

He feels his blood boiling angrily beneath his skin and knows that Lily has said it to get a rise out of him but instead, he grits his teeth and seethes silently to himself.

_'How dare she? That’s Alex’s word. Hearing it fall from anyone’s lips but hers is just plain wrong.’_ Snapping out of his silent rage, he changes his tune. _‘No, she’ll have to do better than that,’_  

   
 

\-- 

   
 

Once they arrive inside, he quickly scans the room for Alex’s face and spots her sitting by herself slumped over against the arm of a loveseat on the far side of the room, and snakes his arm out of Lily’s grasp. “Just gonna pop to the loo,” he says quickly, dashing off in the opposite direction to the nearest bathroom and leaving an outraged Lily standing alone with her mouth agape.  

Upon arriving at Alex’s side, he observes two things. One, that she seems to be asleep in her chair, and two, that her hair has fallen into her drink.  

Carefully, he removes the drink from her hand and places it on a nearby table, then he pushes her hair out of her face. At first, he wasn’t overly concerned. She’s heavily pregnant and it had been a long day, even for him, but when she didn’t stir at his touch, he knew something was wrong.  

He re-adjusts his position, kneeling at her feet on the floor and takes her by the hand. “Alex love, can you hear me? Can you squeeze my hand? Alex. ALEX?”  

Alex is roused slightly by the sound of his raised voice and opens her eyes lazily, squinting against the light of the room. “Matt?” she says blearily.  

Matt strokes her hand tenderly, noticing that the ring she‘s wearing is cutting into her finger quite badly. “I’m here, love. I’m going to take you to the hospital, alright?”  

Alex’s head shakes lazily. “No, ‘m fine. Just tired.”  

Matt shakes his head. “No, Alex. I could barely wake you. You need to see a doctor. Please, just do it for me?”  

Alex nods her head once, still not completely coherent. “No ambulance.”  

Matt makes a strangled noise of contemplation but realises that there’s no time to waste and reluctantly agrees, standing from his position on the floor and helping Alex to her feet. She’s still not steady but is able to walk with assistance so he guides her gently by the waist, supporting almost all of her body weight, and allowing her to cling to his arm for support.  

Moments later, Lily appeared in front of them, but he redirects their path in an attempt to bypass her.  

“Excuse me, where do you think you’re going?” She spat, crossing her arms petulantly.  

“I’m taking Alex to the hospital. She’s not well.” He replied simply. “Now, let me go.”  

“No, you’re not going anywhere,” she says firmly. “I came to this party to be with _you_ , not be dumped for some,” she pauses, thinking of the harshest insult she can muster, “ _old maid_.”  

Ignoring her words completely, he presses on. “This could be something serious, Lily. If she loses this baby, I don’t know what I’ll do with myself."  

She closes the distance between them, lowering her voice to a near growl. “You’re supposed to be here with _me_. What am _I_ supposed to do?”  

Matt’s eye twitches with anger but he remains calm. “I don’t know, Lily. Get drunk and force yourself onto some other unsuspecting idiot. I’m done.”  

Lily’s face falls. “What do you mean, you’re done? You can’t just leave me here!”  

Matt takes a step forward, pulling Alex with him. “Yes I can, and I am.”  

Lily pouts, stomping her foot down on the marble tiled floor. “Oh yeah? Well I don’t need you anyway. As far as I’m concerned, you were just the equivalent of a fashion accessory - a handbag!”  

Matt keeps walking, waving sarcastically behind him as he disappears out the door.  

“I’m surprised you didn’t murder her then and there,” Alex says groggily as they carefully descend the staircase.  

“Yeah well, I am a gentleman,” Matt chuckles, relieved that she’s sounding more herself.  

When they arrive at a waiting car, Matt opens the door and helps Alex in, buckles her belt, then rushes around to the other side and takes the seat beside her.  

“Where to?” The driver asks.  

“The nearest hospital,” he replies hastily, dragging Alex closer to himself and allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder.  

“How are you feeling, love?”  

“Like hell.”  

Matt nods. “We’ll be at the hospital soon, love. It’s going to be fine,” he assures her, patting soothing circles between her shoulder blades with his fingertips. “I want you to do something for me, alright?”  

Alex nods, nestling her head deeper into his shoulder and shutting her eyes.  

“Don’t go to sleep, okay?”  

“I won’t.” She mumbles. “Everything just spins when my eyes are open.”  

Matt sighs. “How long has this been happening?”  

Alex takes a moment to think before answering. “About a week. It comes and goes...”  

His brows knit together slightly. Of course she was too stubborn to seek help, he thinks. “Why didn’t you see someone about it?”  

“I did. They said I had to take it easy.”  

Matt raises his brows. “And did you?” he asks flatly, already sure of her answer.  

Alex sighs. “I should have but -”  

“But?”  

“Karen told me you were looking forward to seeing me.” She admits. “I didn’t want to let you down.”  

It is at this precise moment that he realises just how much he’s put Alex through. All these months without him; never knowing if he would remember their life together, must have taken their toll on her body in more ways than one and right now, he felt simply awful.  

He sighs. “Alex, I’m sorry.”  

“You didn’t do anything,” she mutters, now slipping down slightly so her head is resting more on his bicep.  

“I should have, though. I should have been more insistent that they -” he pauses, realising that Alex’s body feels quite limp. “Alex?”  

She’s now slumped over, passed out again, so he undoes her seatbelt, then drags her into his lap. Her head lolls from side to side so he steadies it against his own and holds it there. He can feel her weak breaths against his skin and gives a watery sigh of relief. As long as she’s breathing, she’s going to be alright. 

The driver’s seat obscures his view of the road out the front windshield but he can see the hospital just up the road when he cranes his neck a little and breathes a sigh of relief. “Just a little further, Alex. I can see the hospital.”  

When they pull in at the emergency entry, the driver rushes inside to get help, leaving Matt in the car with the still unconscious Alex. “Come on love, wake up,” he pleads anxiously, wiping one of his fallen tears from her temple with his free hand.  

Alex stirs at his touch, causing his heart to jump in his chest. “Alex, can you hear me?”  

“Mmhmm...” is all she can manage.  

A loud sigh of relief escapes his lips. “Thank god! It’s going to be alright, love. We’re at the hospital now. The driver is getting help.”  

As if on cue, a team of ER doctors rush through the doors with a trolley and work to quickly but carefully remove her from the car and strap her on, then wheel her into an exam room while Matt runs behind them. 

The doctor at her head flashes a pen light in her eyes while another inserts a cannula and runs an IV line. “I’m doctor Maddocks, can you tell me your name?”   

“Alex,” she moans.  

“Alright, Alex, and how far along are you?”  

“35... no 36 weeks,” she replies blearily.  

“Good. Alex, can you tell me, has this swelling of your extremities been around long?”  

Alex’s eyes close again but they quickly flutter open. “Hmm?”  

“She seems very confused... You there,” Dr Maddocks says, pointing to Matt. “How long has she been like this?”  

“She was a lot more alert earlier but she did complain that she’s felt dizzy for a few days. Is she going to be okay?” Matt asks anxiously.  

“She has, what I think, is a case of eclampsia. We’re going to need to prep her for an emergency caesarean section. The anaesthesiologist is on his way; we’re going to put her under a general anaesthesia. It’s the safest way.”  

Matt looks over to Alex, an expression of worry on his face. “Please, just help them.”  

The doctor nods.  

Moments later, the anaesthesiologist enters the room with a cart full of various gauge needles and vials of medication.  

Alex groans, prompting Matt to rush to her side. “What’s happening?” she mumbles.  

“Alex love, they’re going to give you something to make you sleep and when you wake up, the baby will be here,” he explains shakily, trying to smile through it.  

“Mmm no...” she groans. “Want to be awake....”  

“I know love. It’s just safer and quicker this way,” he explains, squeezing her hand. “It needs to be done.”  

The anaesthesiologist appears at his side with a large, capped needle. “Excuse me, sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave in a moment.”  

Alex clings to his hand, refusing to let go. “Please, I can’t,” he pleads.  

“I’m sorry, but it’s standard protocol. No non-relatives past this point,” he says firmly, taking a step forward and forcing Matt to take one back. “You can sit in the waiting room if you like but you can’t sit outside the theatre. 

Matt looks to the doctor, hoping he may have more success convincing her. “But I have to go in there, you don’t understand.”  

“If we break the rules for you, we have to break them for everyone,” Doctor Maddocks explains.  

He feels the tension in Alex’s grip slacken and looks down to see her eyes drifting closed.  

“Please,” he pleads again. “I’m the father,”  

With the anaesthesia now taking full effect, Alex can do nothing more than let out two, barely audible words.  

 

_“Please stay.”_   

 

\-- 

 

**_Ten hours later..._**  

 

Feeling stiff and sore, Alex half opens her eyes and takes a look around the immediate area. The overhead light is off, thankfully, and the curtains are, for the most part, drawn. She hears a small baby wailing in the distance and  raises a shaky hand to her abdomen. It’s very tender and a lot smaller than she remembers, causing a moment of extreme panic.  

In her alarmed state, she forgets that she's recently had major surgery and attempts to sit herself up but winds up falling back on her bed in agony with a loud shriek. 

"Alex?" She hears a familiar voice call softly from outside the door. "Is everything okay?"  

Squinting against the light flooding in from the now slightly ajar door, she sees Matt's outline lit from behind by the brighter light of the corridor outside.  

"Matt," she sighs in relief as he crosses the room to stand by her bedside; tiny bundle in his arms. _'They must have let him stay after all, thank heavens.'_  

Carefully, he rearranges the tiny bundle to cradle it with his left arm and takes her hand with his free hand, then gives it a light kiss and places it gently down by her side again, still holding it. "You gave us all quite a fright," he says softly. "Your blood pressure was so high that they're surprised you were able to function at all at the ceremony. I told them that the Kingston women are born warriors. Nothing can stop them," he smiles.  

Alex returns his smile wearily before realising what he's said. "Women?"  

Matt smiles again. "I thought you'd catch that. Alex, I'd like to introduce you to someone," he says, letting go of her hand to rearrange the bundle again; now lowering the baby into a position that Alex can properly see her face. "Isn't she beautiful?"  

Alex looks down upon the tiny, pink newborn, fighting back tears as she takes in each dimple and hair on her tiny head. "Oh my goodness, she's perfect," she  hiccoughs, stroking the fine head of dark curls. 

"We did well, didn't we," Matt observes with a proud smile.  

"Yes, we did," Alex agrees, looking up at his beaming face reverently. "How much do you remember?"  

"Enough to know that I love you and that somewhere out there, there's a ring with your name on it... If you'll take it, of course," he says hopefully.  

_"Yes."_  

\-- 

 

Two days after surgery, Matt called Karen to give her the green light to visit, taking the initiative to remind her that screeching like a banshee was strictly prohibited near babies with tiny sensitive ears.  

Slightly affronted, Karen scoffed. "Excuse me, I do not screech. I squeal with enthusiasm."  

"Sure, Kaz," Matt chuckled. "See you soon."  

When Karen arrived, she knocked quietly on the door. Alex's curtain was closed as she was feeding and it was important to do so to prevent mastitis.  

Matt popped is head out from behind the curtain almost comically, which caused Karen to giggle. "Hey Kaz, Alex is just feeding the baby at the mo. Would you like to wait or are you not that shy?"  

Karen shrugs. "Why would I be shy? It's just Alex's breast," she says casually. "Now, let me see this gorgeous grandbaby of mine," she beams as she rushes to Alex's bedside.    
 

Matt, still standing by the curtain, turns to face her with a puzzled look. "Wait, when did you see Alex's breast?" 

Karen giggles quietly, shaking her head. "Well someone had to look after her while you were gone," she says with a wink.  

Alex laughs, flinching at the pain in her abdomen. "Please don't make me laugh," she cringes, still half laughing.  

"Ahh sorry," Karen apologises sheepishly.  

Alex smiles softly. "It's fine. I'm just a bit more tender when the baby feeds."  

Karen nods. "God look at her, she's so beautiful. Must take after her mum," she says, shooting Matt a cheeky glance.  

Matt crosses his arms and mimics her under his breath, causing Alex to sniffle out another short burst of laughter.  

"I'm going to throw you both out in a minute," she threatens.  

"Sorry," Karen apologises again before changing to a safer subject. "So, do you have any names picked out yet?"   

"Not yet," Alex explains. "We're waiting until we find the perfect fit," she coos, stroking the tiny girl's hair.  

Karen smiles softly, touching the tiny toes peeking out from the blanket. "Well you know, Karen is a nice name," she says nonchalantly.  

Matt snorts. "One's enough thanks."  

"Oi!"  

Alex clears her throat softly.  

"Sorry," they both apologise in unison.  

Matt moves to the side of the bed and kisses Alex's forehead, then brushes a hand across the baby's head. "I need to make a quick phone call but I'll be back in a minute, kay?"  

Alex gives a small nod.  

When he steps into the corridor, Matt follows the signs to the tea room and pulls out his phone and scrolls through his call log, then selects his recipient and puts the phone to his ear.  

_"_ _Lor, I_ _need you to do me a_ _favour_ _."_  

 

 

\-- 

 

Eight days after being discharged from hospital, Alex and the baby were finally settled into a routine. Matt had left them home alone for the first time under strict instruction to not lift a finger for anything but the baby. He'd already cleaned everything and set the table for lunch. All that was left was to pick up his family who had arrived the previous morning but opted to stay in a nearby hotel to sleep off the jet lag. Matt had omitted the exact details for the gathering, simply stating over the phone that he had some "very big news" and that he wanted to share in person.  

As he pulled up at the front of the Marriott, his mother and sister waved excitedly from the sidewalk. His father stepped toward the passenger side first, then opened the door for his wife, leaving Laura and her fiance, James, to climb into the back seat from the other side; Laura first so she may sit between her partner and mother.  

David, Matt's father, is the first to break the silence. "Out with it, what's this news then?"  

His mother chimes in. "Yes, what is it?! We've all been dying to know!"  

Matt smiles smugly. "All will be revealed over lunch."  

The rest of the car ride is spent with them all chattering away. Lynne, probably one of the most excited of the bunch, takes many photos to document her family time via instagram.  

When they arrive in the parking garage, they exit the car and move toward the elevator. As they pile in, Laura snags Matt's wrist, then pulls it toward her to deposit a small, black velvet box in his hand.  

Matt turns and smiles before tucking it away in his coat pocket, then presses the button that corresponds with the floor number.  

Lynne sees the exchange but keeps her mouth shut. Instead, she clasps a hand over her mouth. 

"Are you sure you can't just tell us?" She asks, trying to keep her tone neutral.  

Matt chuckles, shaking his head as he retrieves the card key from his pocket and unlocking the door.  

As he passes through the hallway, he knocks softly on the bedroom door. "Love, we're back," he calls quietly before leading his family through to the living area and directs them to sit down.  

"Well son, what is this all about?" Asks David, impatiently.  

Lynne bounces up and down excitedly in her seat. "I think I know exactly what's going on here." Looking to Matt expectantly, she announces. "There are wedding bells in the air, aren’t there?"  

Matt remains silent but gives  a wink, fuelling his mother's excitement.  

"Oh come on, out with it!" David says, trying to hurry the process along; mostly to calm his wife before she worked herself into a state.  

Matt chuckles. "Alright, alright. I brought you here today, as you know, to make a bit of an announcement and... well, I wanted to tell you that I've proposed to the love of my life."  

Lynne jumps up from her seat, squealing in excitement. "Oh my goodness! I knew it, I just knew that Lily was destined to be my new daughter."  

Matt, shocked by her assumption, freezes on the spot; exchanging looks between Laura and their mother.  

Lynne, after a few moments, calms slightly, now flashing confused looks between her two children. "Am I missing something?"  

Matt snorts. "Yeah," he answers sarcastically. "Did you honestly think it would be her," he asks, barely able to stifle his own laughter. "I was miserable with her. Didn't you see the pictures?" 

Lynne slowly sits down, shocked into silence, leaving Matt to continue.  

"Anyway, as I was saying," he begins, clasping his hands together. "I invited you here to have a family lunch to celebrate the expansion of the Smith family!" He beams.  

Matt turns on his heel and strides down the hall, then lets himself into the bedroom; smirking as he listens to the quiet chattering between his family members.  

"Love, they're ready," he whispers into her hair, pressing a kiss to her temple as he reaches down to retrieve their baby daughter from her arms.  

Alex is still very tender from the surgery and standing up from a resting position is quite the challenge so Matt offers her his free arm and carefully pulls her out of their King sized bed. "Do I look alright?" She asks nervously.  

Matt smiles softly, looking her tenderly in the eye. "You look amazing." 

When they walk down the hall, she takes his hand and squeezes it tightly; hoping that she may somehow absorb even a fraction of his abundant confidence into herself.  

"Everyone," he announces, and the room falls silent. "I'd like to introduce you to the future Mrs Smith, and," he pauses to lower the blanket obscuring their view, "our daughter."  

Lynne places a hand over her mouth, unable to speak, subconsciously gripping the trousers covering David's thigh.  

Laura is the first to leave her seat, dragging James behind her. "Ohhh my goodness, she's adorable," she whispers excitedly. 

"What's her name, son?" David asks, trying to sound hard but clearly melting at the sight of his first grandchild.  

"Evie," Matt announces proudly.  

"Evelyn Amelia Smith," Alex adds quickly, with a broad smile.  

Lynne, still recovering from the shock of gaining a future daughter-in-law and a grandchild all in one day, staggers over and takes a proper look at her grandchild for the first time, shedding an emotional tear or twenty.  

"Can I hold her?" She stammers out.  

Matt smiles. "Of course," he answers, slowly transferring the sleepy babe into her arms.   

Evie stirs slightly during the transfer which causes a minor panic in Alex, who tenses immediately. It had taken over an hour to get her to sleep, but Lynne begins to slowly bounce from side to side, cooing and shushing the baby back to sleep.  

Laura, probably the most on the ball of the bunch, quickly grabs her mother's phone and snaps a series of photos before instructing her father to jump in. Still looking somewhat stern and awkward, he stands beside Lynne and rests one of his hand on her waist. "Come on Papi, you can do better than that," she teases.  

David rolls his eyes, then places his other hand on the baby's feet, then musters up his best smile. It comes off as a bit of a grimace but it was better than nothing, Laura thinks.  

"Alright, now one with mum and dad too," she says, pointing at Matt and Alex, who quickly move across to join the photo.  

James, noticing that Laura hasn't had any photos yet, stands up from his seat and stalks up behind her, snaking a hand up past her shoulder and carefully removes the phone from her hand. "I think maybe Aunty Lor should get in too," he smiles.  

Laura beams excitedly, then stalks over to stand beside Alex, wrapping an arm around her and carefully holding her waist, then asks quietly, "Alex, can I have a word with you after this?" 

Alex nods, still smiling for the camera.  

\-- 

After the photo session has concluded, Alex leads Laura into the bedroom and they sit down, Alex lowering herself very carefully.  

"Now, what did you need to talk about, dear?"  

Laura heaves a sigh. "I just wanted to apologise," she begins. "It's all my fault that you went through it all alone. I should have told him but I just -"  

Alex places her hand on Laura's knee and gives it a squeeze. "Laura, I need you to know that I don't blame you. What happened is in the past and we're moving forward. No need to worry about it anymore," she smiles. "Now come, I think it's Aunty's turn for a hold."  

Laura, still a little teary, sniffles slightly and nods in thanks, then after a few minutes, she's ready to rejoin her family outside. 

Straightening up, she turns to Alex who is still sitting and offers her hand to help her up.  

"Thank you," Alex says as she slowly straightens herself up.  

"No, thank **you** ," Laura answers with a soft smile. 

\-- 

After everyone has taken their turn holding the baby, Matt goes into the bedroom then places the sound asleep Evie inside her Moses basket, leaving all of their hands free to sit around the table for the cold lunch Matt has prepared.  

All of the Smiths take turns opening the fridge and retrieving a piece of the spread; a roast chicken, a salad, various cheeses, some deli meats and crackers, then place them out on the table.  

As Alex sits and watches on, she smiles softly.  

_'Yes, the year was an absolute shambles, but for this outcome, I wouldn't change it for the world.'_  

 

**Author's Note:**

> As I have quite a hectic home situation (aka two children under 5) I can't promise that I will have a strict updating schedule. I will aim for at least one chapter a week until it's finished but please don't hate me if I don't stick to that. 
> 
> Please enjoy- feedback welcome. 
> 
> Also note that for credibility and because I'm lazy that this fic is set in the present day but I have adjusted Alex's age to be 45 and her daughter doesn't exist so please don't ask, don't tag her, don't even mention her.


End file.
